Apple Wants Sexy – But This Is Just Too Weird

GeekFetishJPG If you’ve hung out at KRAPPS for any amount of time, you know there are some pretty freaky iPhone apps. And we don’t mean the weird, bizarre or crazy kind of freaky … we’re referring to the sexy, kinky, and naughty. Yeah that’s right … look close …if you haven’t noticed, the App Store is filled with all sorts of freaky sex and fetish apps.

Need sexy? Look at these fly offerings … Pin Up Weather app (hot chicks giving you the weather forecast) … Bikini Times Clock (no explanation required) … Sexy Spinna (love dice iPhone-style) … SuicideGirls Flip Strip (one of the many strip apps).

Need fetish? Pick your poison … Bikini Fart (yes, girls in bikinis farting) … Animal Farts (nothing like the sound of a sheep farting, eh?) … Belly Button (doesn’t everybody have a belly button fetish?) … too many Poop apps to mention … and of course, the turn your iPhone into a penis fetish app.

(side note: this whole iPhone fetish thing goes way beyond Apple … there’s now even a web site dedicated to hot chicks holding iPhones … LOL – oh technology, you so sexy)

HotGirlswithiPhone

Ok, so now that you’re up to speed with Apple’s sexy and fetish-filled dreams, here’s the latest and greatest –> the Sexy Girl Talk – Sexy Alphabet app …

Sexy-Alphabet

Seriously, when we read the Sexy Alphabet description, we blew Monster Energy through our nose and almost pissed our pants from hysterical laughter …

“hired a professional voice model to speak all the letters of alphabet in a sexual way””
”you won’t believe how sexy a thing lie an alphabet can be”
”a real stress reliever”

SexyABC1 Who the heck comes up with this stuff?!? To be completely honest … “relaxing” to some hot chick’s voice reciting the ABC’s is freaking weird –> “Hey sexy, come here baby … don’t be so stuck up … come over here and whisper ABC’s in my ear … oh feels so sexy” … LOL – but hey, it’s Apple’s fetish … more power to them and the Sexy Alphabet app.

Hmmm, maybe Apple is really on to something! Ok folks, next time you’re ready for a little “romance” with that significant other – screw the Marvin Gaye “Let’s Get It On” mood-setting garbage – break out Sexy Alphabet and get it really going on … ABC oh so sexy!

May 20, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 46 Comments 

Apple Gets The Joke Late – Rejects Approved App

Did you hear? Major League Baseball is changing their rules. Any time a batter reaches base safely, they receive an extra bag. So now a single becomes a double, doubles become triples, etc.. And get this … a home run counts as a run scored, but the batter gets to circle the bags and start again from first base.

Why did Major League Baseball change this rule? – we dunno. Guess they just changed Funny McCain Picture their mind. Oh well … sucks for you!

Argh! Sorry … forgot to mention this one. You know how Obama is the President of the United States? Well that’s changed too … guess the US Government changed their mind about the voting process. Why the change? – we dunno … but go ahead and welcome John McCain as our new forty fourth President. Oh well … sucks for you!

Here’s another change – this one is from our friends at Apple.

hotdogicon The whacky and hysterical iPhone game, Hot Dog Down A Hallway [iTunes], has been rejected. Huh? How can it be rejected if it’s still available in the App Store? – we dunno … all we know is that the developers of Hot Dog Down A Hallway, Metaversal Studios, submitted an update to Apple and were given a swift kick to their wiener (see what we did there). The update was technical in nature … user gameplay experience, backend stuff, etc. … but their nut shot was due to Explicit Content. Huh? – we dunno … there were no updates to the content of Hot Dog Down A Hallway … so we can only assume the Explicit Content are the  adult innuendos contained within the game and  the title itself … all originally approved by Apple. Oh well … sucks for you Metaversal!

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Huh? – we still dunno … we are still totally confused. Game is approved … game is rejected due to Explicit Content found in the original approved version … rejected game still being sold in the App Store. Huh? – we dunno … maybe since Trent Reznor has better luck, he can figure this out and put in a good word to Apple for “Hallway Hot Dog”. Go Trent!

Oh and by the way … we changed our minds too. This site will now enable you to Shave Your Yeti. Uh hold on … we changed our minds again … back to KRAPPS. Oh well … sucks for you!

PS – and of course, we’ll have a complete review of the Hot Dog Down A Hallway app KRAPPS-style within the next several days … wait for it. But don’t wait to buy the app as it might very well get banned – after all, it’s been rejected for Explicit Content. Huh?

May 19, 2009 | Filed Under Games, News | 7 Comments 

Make A Stripper Smile – There’s An App For That

GangstaGeekJPG The iPhone just got some major street cred! Ya dig? This ain’t no Abercrombie wearing – yoga taking – moleskin carrying – suburban frat boy mobile device … this iPhone is streetwise! Hailing from the hood of Cupertino! West Coat-style from the C to the A. iPhone biatch, bust it baby!

Yeah … we knew our boy Steve was a dirty dogg. Posing with those candy ass iFart and iStrip apps. But really hanging with his homies Young Jeezy, Fat Joe, Lil Wayne, etc … Steve has the cred and now brings it – iPhone in da house – just killing it!

Takin’ a page out of the Pacman Jones Chronicles, Apple now kicks two apps which will put a smile on every strippers face. We’re talking the Make It Rain! And I Make It Rain apps.

No redneck, this ain’t no rain stick voodoo magic app! We’re talking stacks – bling – benjamins – bills – cheddar – scrilla – bread.

RainAppsDesc

Still don’t get it? k … check the lyrics to “Sexy Can I” by Ray J:

Sexy can I, visit you at work
When you sliding down the pole …
Then you drop and do the splits …
I make it rain in the club like (oh, ohh, ohh)

No clue, huh? here, just watch this video of the I Make It Rain app in action:

 

Now you get it! Make It Rain … be a baller, with your cristal and green. The most dope gents at Mitchell Brothers … you boy and Steve … making it rain all night … straight up Cupertino bad ass-style.

And look at these user reviews … everyone’s a pimp with the Make It Rain apps:

RainFinal

AngrySnowman Hmmm – got us thinking. Since Apple has this new found street cred … we’re gonna make it rich with our new iPhone app company –>
I’m So Hood Apps … with such dope offerings as the Trap Or Die app … the Triple Beam Dreams app … and of course, the sure hit
Angry Snowman app (who all dat Apple? don’t google – just approve it).

 

May 19, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment, Lifestyle | 12 Comments 

Squishy Guts And Blood – Gross!

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

Meanwhile, back at the watercooler, we join in the conversation between Rad, an iPhone BloodLust_LogoGIF developer and his buddy Gyp:

Rad: Dude, I’ve got a great name for my iPhone game.  Get this, it’s gonna be called Blood Lust!

Gyp: Ooh yes, I love vampire games and they are all the rage right now.  I can’t wait to sink my teeth into it, playing the undead master unleashing his legion of minions to slake their unquenchable thirst on the life force of the living.  What, why are you shaking your head?

Rad: It’s not vampires.  It’s…

Gyp: Ooh yes, a frenzy of mixed martial arts and a cast of fearsome characters, each with their own defining finishing move, pummeling their opponent into a bloody husk!  Eh, you’re shaking your head again.

Rad: Nope, not a fighting game.  You play a covert ops trooper, air-dropped into a remote jungle to investigate a crashed UFO, and you’re attacked by…

Gyp: Ooh yes, an alien infestation and I am mankind’s only hope, equipped with a dazzling array of weapons and a super-soldier serum giving me the strength of ten men and the reflexes of a jaguar!

Rad: Close, actually you’re attacked by mosquitoes.

Gyp: The aliens are giant mosquitoes?

Rad: Nope, the UFO doesn’t even figure into the gameplay.  They’re just regular mosquitoes which you have to squish when they land on you.  Eventually, your health deteriorates Mosquito_SmashGIF unexplainably and the game ends.

Gyp: Well, you’re right about one thing.

Rad: What’s that?

Gyp: You’ve got a great name for your iPhone game.

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Ewww – squishy and bloody – we get the heebie jeebies (does anyone even say that anymore) just playing this game. LOL. Blood Lust developer’s, Rad Lab, informed us that an update was just released which includes a very cool Global Leaderboard and faster mosquitoes. Krapp!  Those suckers are hard enough to squish, now they’re faster? Anyways, if blood and squishy guts is your thing, Blood Lust is available for 99 cents in the App Store. Or just follow @radlabgames on Twitter … even Facebook.

May 18, 2009 | Filed Under Games, Guest Authors | 11 Comments 

Thank You KRAPPS’ Sponsors

We would like to take a brief timeout to thank our valued sponsors. Without their support, there would be no KRAPPS (uh, that doesn’t sound right). All these peeps are solid folks, have quality products and we’re proud to be aligned with them. So support KRAPPS, show our sponsors some love … you’ll become a better person.

Be Seen With KRAPPS
KRAPPS is the only web site dedicated to iPhone humor and fun. Take advantage of our unique niche by advertising on KRAPPS. We offer four different sponsorship packages to ensure participation at a variety of budget levels. Contact us at info@KRAPPS.com to receive our media kit, rate card and to secure your advertising placement.

ThankYouPres

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AppyNewzThankYou2 Appy Newz
A unique app which allows you to create custom tabloid-style magazine covers directly on your iPhone. Appy Newz is an extremely high quality app at a more than fair price point. It allows you to create custom covers for a variety of purposes (practical jokes, humor, greeting cards, awards, etc.) and provides endless entertainment. Click here to read our Appy Newz and find our why we adore this app or
click here to purchase from the App Store.

100soundsThankYou 100sounds
There’s a reason 100sounds is the #1 soundboard app … cuz it rocks! This app not only provides hundreds of high quality originally recorded sound effects, but also includes loop and delay effects for all your comedic purposes. Plus you can get hundreds of ringtones emailed to you, automatically, at no extra charge! 100sounds was already a bargain at $0.99, so this enhancement makes it a great deal! Click here to view web site, be sure to check out the hysterical user-submitted videos.

VoiceForge VoiceForge: We Build Voices® –
We Make the Internet Talk®
Attention iPhone developers – VoiceForge is an online Text-to-Speech service. They’ve made TTS fast, affordable, and scalable! Tap a huge variety of 60 voices in 5 languages. Using their SOAP based API, simply send text, indicate the voice, and receive back a MP3 or URL. And it’s fast – just 200 milliseconds for audio to be returned. Big fish no problem; our capacity exceeds 100 million synthesis per day. Consumers love personalization – why not "pimp your app" by letting users pick the voice they like? Click here to receive more info, try the demo, or sign up for a free developer’s kit.

BinaryGameThankYou2 Binary Game
Simply put, this app makes you smarter! Binary Game gets your brain juices flowing and is a ton of fun. It’s an original game of binary math which is simple to play and highly addictive. The worldwide leader board satisfies the most uber-competitive gamer, while the Facebook Connect feature pleases those social types. Click here to read our review or click here to purchase from the App Store, click here.

iFightThankYou iFight Pro
This app is a blast! To really appreciate iFight Pro, click here and take a quick look at a demonstration video – it’s really cool. Combine a handgun, rifle, shotgun, slap, whip, gong, sword or punch with one of the eight background music tracks – and you’ll be awarded with a pure quality, enormously fun iPhone app.

May 17, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, News | 9 Comments 

100sounds – More Than A Soundboard App

100soundsIconJPG Ok, let’s just cut to the chase … the 100sounds app [iTunes Link] by No Tie Software is arguably the best soundboard app available for your iPhone. But hey, don’t take our word for it … just look at the facts –> released Dec. 12, 2008, 100sounds is one of the first soundboard apps – ever since release, 100sounds has consistently been in the Top 50 in Entertainment and as high as Top 32 Overall.

A solid resume which has been sustained for over 5 months … this ain’t no flavor of the week. A rightfully so, just check out these cool features and the AWESOME customer produced video featuring only sound effects from the app …

> Don’t be fooled by the name, this app has HUNDREDS of sounds (actually, the devs have
   a database of 10,000 sounds and update the app frequently based on user requests)

> All sounds are ORIGINAL, LEGAL, and LICENSED (basically this means these are high
   quality sounds and not some crap which anyone can distribute)

> You can LOOP SOUNDS (make longer sound effects), DELAY SOUNDS (good for
   practical jokes – use your imagination) and SHAKE TO PLAY sounds (just because
   shaking your iPhone is fun)

> Sound list is EDITABLE – drag sounds to the top of the list or hide certain sounds

 

So all this lovin’ for ONLY 99 CENTS! Now that’s a sound deal (see what we did there?) … but wait, there’s more … FREE RINGTONES. The cool thing with No Tie – they’re not buttheads about your request. Other apps require the user to send one email per ringtone request, which frankly sucks. With 100sounds, one email = tons of ringtones in a few zip files. Hundreds of sounds and ringtones for only 99 cents – but wait, there’s more …

todd-bernhardNotAButthead Like we said, the folks at No Tie Software are no buttheads. They have this over-the-top mentality when it comes to customer service. Check this out –> a 100sounds user was attempting to get ringtone help via email, but the reply support emails from No Tie were being rejected. So No Tie tracked the dude down to Classmates.com, opened their own account and got in touch with the customer via the dude’s guestbook. WTH is that – who supports a 99 cent product to that extent – way cool.

And it gets cooler … they have this giveaway going on where you can win iTunes gift cards or other killer prizes for submitting a video featuring sound effects from the app. Videos are   displayed on their YouTube channel. Visit the No Ties web site for complete details.

Anti-Krapps-Seal-v2GIF So there you have it – the 100sounds app [iTunes Link] –
way more than just a standard soundboard app: only 99 cents … hundreds sounds … all high quality original and licensed effects … editable user interface … loop, delay or shake to play sounds … hundreds of ringtones … borderline fanatical customer service … giveaways … and no buttheads! All this makes the 100sounds app 100% anti-KRAPPS Certified – highly recommended!

May 16, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Entertainment | 20 Comments 

Yes We Know We Are Morons

HoorayForSarcasm We came across this wonderful little app called Roach MoronBrowser by Kaplowieland. Outside of an app that cures cancer, the MoronBrowser is the best thing that’s hit the App Store – EVER!

(uh, we’re kidding … ok? … you know …
Hooray For Sarcasm)

MoronBrowser is a “unique” iPhone web browser. Surf to your favorite site (like KRAPPS) – touch the Reword button – and the app will insert the phrase “like a moron” throughout the site’s content (check out the yellow highlights in the KRAPPS screenshot below). Then when you touch the Roach button, a roach image will replace original pictures.

RoachMoronBrowser1   RoachMoronBrowser2

Ha! Ha! “If you manage to pee in a toilet, your score increases … you moron”. LOL – guess we could leverage MoronBrowser to make our articles even more idiotic. Anyways, MoronBrowser if good for about 30 seconds of entertainment … outside of that, it’s definitely 100% KRAPPS.

But the beauty of Roach MoronBrowser is its brutal honesty. Yeah it’s stupid, yeah it’s lame … but the devs at Kaplowieland are not pretending to be the next Tap Tap Revenge. They know MoronBrowser sucks … they admit it … they offer it for free … and if you don’t like sucky things – well sucks for you.

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posers And you gotta love Kaplowieland’s mission statement posted on their site’s home page. Hey, good for them … their objective is clear, they are not trying to fool anyone by being  some poser … it is what it is:

Our mission is to provide the most moronic software possible, for people with a taste for the unusual or just a few screws loose

For more iPhone suck, be sure to check the just as awful offerings from Kaplowieland … Targt Practus and Marshmallow Throwr … just be sure to wait until these apps are both free because the only thing thats worse than suck, is paying for suck.

May 15, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | Leave a Comment 

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