Back in December we reported that Apple approved the Safe Sexting iPhone app … a photo application that lets users text discrete nude images (hooray for oxymorons) by covering up their naughty bits with blackout boxes. Apparently texting sexually explicit messages and photos (sexting) is quite the rage these days … landing our Safe Sexting article on the front page of Digg (supposedly this Digg thing is a big deal …. meh … all we know is that it cost us additional money in overage fees).
And now women’s magazine … Cosmopolitan … is joining in on the Safe Sexting tomfoolery. Featured in this month’s issue (April 2010 – Lady Gaga cover), on page 174 within the “50 More Things To Do Naked” article, is the Safe Sexting iPhone app. Cosmo’s article lists cool stuff every woman should do bare-assed (their words, not ours) … coming in at #8, our friend —> Safe Sexting …
Test run the Safe Sexting iPhone app. Take pics of each other with your phone, then use the app to choose different size boxes to censor your lady parts and his package.
However messing with the Safe Sexting app is not the only techie geek thing Cosmo recommends … sending Evites for a naked dinner, updating your Facebook status and bidding on eBay, both in the nude … are other freaky e-items on the list. LOL … rock on Cosmo!
But alas there is some sadness to Cosmo’s kinky iPhone suggestion … Apple has banned the Safe Sexting app from iTunes (da horror). So rather than leaving our KRAPPS viewers feeling blue (no pun), we recommend the Pocket Labeler app as a Safe Sexting alternative. Hopefully Cosmopolitan updates their article as well so readers are not left bare-assed naked with nothing to censor their lady parts and his package (their words, not ours).
Ever hear of the Trololo Man? His real name is Edward Hill (aka Eduard Khil’) … a Russian dude who is wildly popular on the Internet these days due to a bizarre music video (we use the term “music” loosely) of a Soviet-era pop song … “I Am Very Glad That I Finally Am Returning Home”. The video is painfully contagious (your ears will bleed) and a must see … it contains no words, just a bunch of yuh-yuh-yuh’s and oh-oh-oh’s … coupled with pointing, laughing, hand gestures and other strange behavior.
Trololo for iPhone is simply EPIC. It’s got Edward dancing, singing, laughing and pointing. But best of all, the song never ends … it just keeps playing over and over and over (pure torture). In addition to the tight beats, rockin’ bumps and genius lyrics, this sick joint is accompanied by 6 unlockables … Applause, Funny Hat, Tone Invasion, Lava, Earthquake and our fave, Chicken Of Death.
And what would you pay for the convenience and pure joy of Trololo on your iPhone? Agreed … $5, $10, even $15 is a small price to pay for this gem. However Andreas is a good man, he’s only charging $1.99 for this iPhone masterpiece.
BUT WAIT … the news gets even better! Supposedly today … March 23 … is International Trololo Day (go figure). So to celebrate this momentous occasion, Andreas is giving away his Trololo app … Trololo is FREE TODAY ONLY … SHUT UP!
So don’t even think about it … just CLICK HERE to download Trololo and make your head explode, you can
hate thank us later.
Remember our friend Mike from More Blu Sky? The dude who has issues? Mike spent months hand cutting over 500 letters, numbers and punctuation out of magazines for his Ransom Letters app …the application which lets you caption photos in ransom note-style. The end result of Mike’s crazy attention to detail is an awesome app and although he calls himself a perfectionist … we think he’s a talented freak who develops fantastic products.
Mike recently published a new offering called Pocket Labeler [iTunes $0.99] and true to his nut job … errr … perfectionist ways, it does not disappoint.
Pocket Labeler was inspired by those old–school label makers … squeeze the handle to form the letters and it spits out plastic sticky label thingies. Since Mike is a lunatic perfectionist, he labels everything in his life … CD collection, storage boxes, cooking spices, his cars, children, etc. Having this affinity to sticky labels, publishing Pocket Labeler was a natural for Mike.
Although Pocket Labeler is a simple concept, the app is executed to perfection (coming from Mike, no surprise) and totally easy to use … choose a picture to label – type in your text – apply label, choose from 8 color options – pinch and twist label to obtain desired size and position … then from within the app, you can either save the labeled image to your camera roll, upload to Facebook, Flickr or send via email.
Besides the obvious entertainment value of Pocket Labeler, the app has numerous practical uses as well …. timestamp pictures – scrapbooking – add date, location and other notes – accident reporting … hell, it can even replace the Safe Sexting app we featured.
So look … obviously Mike has some problems, but his “freak” is our “gain”. At 99 cents, Pocket Labeler [iTunes] is a steal. It provides entertainment, boatloads fun and has many practical uses. Make Mike happy – buy his app … and hopefully Mike will use the proceeds towards his therapy bill … because seriously, labeling your kids is just plain weird.
In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.
The Uber Coolness Of Yo-Yo Geekdom
Ok, we’ll be the first to admit that we don’t know squat about yo-yo’s. Basically some string tied at one end to a spool … Duncan is a major yo-yo brand … “walk the dog” and “around the world” are yo-yo tricks. That’s the basic extent of our knowledge.
WRONG! Little did we realize, but there is some serious
yo-yo geekdom going on … filled with contests, endorsements, advanced techniques and even its own culture. Yo-yo’ers (guess that’s what you call them) are some serious bad asses … honing their ninja-like skills … crafting insane moves and techniques.
Not really sure we’ll ever see yo-yo’ing in the Olypmics or even the X Games … but nevertheless, these freaks rock. Just check out the video below from this year’s California State Yo-Yo Championships … you’ll be blown away by the crazy shit these yo-yo’ing fools pull off and get a new appreciation for the sport (?is it?). Trust us … this video is TIGHT!
Yo, yo, yo
Hey, Kanye West, what are you doing here?
Imma let you finish your review, but first I gotta try to bring back my MEME and bust some rhymes ’bout this game
It’s not the least simplistic
When your magic’s gone ballistic
Gotta stretch the realistic
Take your emporium to the mystic
Peace out, back to you
Um, thanks for that great interlude and good luck with that whole "bring back the meme" campaign. Anyway, back to the game. You are tasked with helping the main character Lilly (the young witch) in her quest to own her own business, a magic shop. Each day you are presented with a baseline goal and, for you overachievers, an expert level goal. I’m a relative novice at this type of game and I was able to attain the expert goal in the first two levels. After the introductory levels, however, the game gets much tougher and you will find yourself scrambling to keep your customers happy.
Each level adds new elements and between each level you are given the opportunity to buy items to assist you in your quest. Early on, I snapped up the Fairy Dust shoes, which give a much needed boost to Lilly’s speed. I passed on the Leaky Cauldron, however, and decided to save up for a better one in a later round.
The game offers plenty of multi-tasking elements to keep it interesting. Some customers want potions, others are looking for crystals or magic rings. Some customers are impatient and others are more forgiving. I haven’t played enough to figure out all of the particulars, but that’s part of the fun (and the key to getting the expert level scores in the later levels).
Along the way, you’ll be able to play several mini-games which allow you to unlock "charms" which affect certain elements of the game, like providing the ability to earn extra tips.
The graphics and gameplay are top-notch and the sound and music add to the experience. If you prefer to listen to songs via the iPod, that’s supported as well. For your $3.99 [iTunes], you will receive hours of time management fun.
Even if you have a remote interest in the iPhone, chances are you’ve heard of Doodle Jump [iTunes $0.99]. Arguably the iPhone’s most successful game to date, Doodle Jump is a platform game developed and published by the two-brother team, Igor and Marko Pusenjak, of Lima Sky. On March 15, Doodle Jump turned 1 year old … already surpassing $3 million in sales – which Lima Sky claims is a first for any Indie development house.
Doodle Jump’s success is certainly well deserved. Igor and Marko work their asses off … constantly updating the game with fresh content (over 25 updates in year 1), reaching out to the media, connecting with fans, writing code, etc. Like we said, Lima Sky are indy developers … there is no team of artists, massive advertising budget or public relations gurus … just two dudes, working hard and crushing it. Doodle Jump is consistently ranked in the Top 10 of all paid apps … not to mention a very cool reference on the awesome TV sitcom The Big Bang Theory. If you haven’t played Doodle Jump, you are completely nuts … at 99 cents, it’s one of the best App Store bargains ever.
So the $3 million+ Doodle Jump grossed in its first year equates to almost $1 million for Apple (and roughly $2 million for Lima Sky). You would think by receiving a cool million, Apple would have Lima Sky’s back … huh, what? Yeah … Happy One-Year Birthday MOFO … Apple’s gift to Doodle Jump —> Doodle Jumper by CoolGame Studios.
Although “inspired” applications are nothing new in the App Store (heck, Doodle Jump was inspired by Papi Jump) and one can argue it breeds good competition which ultimately benefits consumers … blatant ripoffs of a unique original are a completely different story.
Back in November, we took issue with Pocket Devil being “too close for comfort” to Pocket God. Well Doodle Jumper makes Pocket Devil look angelic. From the name Doodle Jumper (yeah, great 2-letter product differentiation) … to the look-alike Doodler creature (oh, our bad … Doodle Jump’s Doodler has four legs, while Doodle Jumper’s has two) … to the identical gameplay of jumping up an unending series of platforms without falling … sorry, in our book, two additional letters and a couple of missing legs does not constitute an inspiration. It’s safe to say Doodle Jumper is a blatant ripoff of Doodle Jump.
But it’s all good … Doodle Jumper has “inspired” us. We’ll soon be submitting to Apple a few inspirational works … the Playboyer app, Tap Tap Revenger and I Am T—Painer. Apple seemingly doesn’t consider protecting copyright holders, thus it’s up to the individual owner to complain (hey, it’s Apple’s rules, guess they can do whatever they want). So as long as you don’t tell Playboy … we won’t either … and Apple will approve our Playboyer app. See … it really is all good.
Bummed out by the App Store’s sudden sense of morals? Saddened your iPhone can no longer display smut? Well happy, happy, joy, joy … we’re here to turn your frown upside down!
Although Apple has done a thorough job of removing “overtly sexual” content, you can still be a card-carrying member of the Slut Club with the Easy Virtue Ring iPhone app … just what every father dreams of. *facepalm*
The Easy Virtue Ring is a direct response to the Purity Ring application and mocks those who wait until marriage … the description reads:
The Easy Virtue Ring is meant to be a replacement for the Purity Ring. Forget those crazy ideas. Do you really want to wait for marriage? What if your partner misrepresents their gender? Or turns out to be lame in bed? It’s simply not a good idea.
And like all good sinister apps (hooray for oxymorons), Easy Virtue Ring encourages users to give in to the temptation and engage in promiscuous sex …
Tired of saying “No”? Of course you are, it’s to much effort and not so much fun. Stop disrespecting Mother Nature and succumb to your desires… It’s easier and it’s a lot more fun. Take the Easy Virtue Pledge now.
See … the App Store is not all that
bad good these days. Apple is still showing some love to all you sluts and manwhores. So make daddy proud … take the Easy Virtue Pledge today and offer your body as a very special present to ANYONE you may meet. *headdesk*