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Pretty Poo – A Curiously Bizarre App
True Story (don’t believe us? – click here):
One crisp winter evening in the snow-covered Swiss Alps, three friends were enjoying a pot of homemade cheese fondue. Apparently this fondue was “magical”, because it inspired Jennifer, Indri and Marco to start a company … Digital Mint Apps … dedicated to creating designer iPhone apps. Apparently the three were sick of fart apps (agreed!) and wanted to offer the world apps which are both fun to use and a pleasure to look at. Their mission, create an app based on the theme … Stupid With Style.
Hmmm … fart apps suck – fun to use – pleasure to look at … sounds like Digital Mint Apps came up with a winning recipe for App Store success. And now, after seven months of working their asses off … Digital Mint Apps proudly presents their alternative to those lame fart apps … Pretty Poo.
LOL … WTH is this? Keep the poo happy by shaking away the flies?!? Basically a moody pile of poop … smiling and crying – smiling and crying. But hey, your life would suck too if you had flies constantly buzzing up in your grill. And good to see Digital Mint Apps steering way clear of Fart Boulevard … farts and poop totally different – right?
But look … words cannot do justice for the Pretty Poo app. PLEASE watch the brilliant demo video to gain full appreciation and insight into Digital Mint Apps’ efforts (although debatable, we assure you the developers were not on drugs while shooting this clip) …
Ahh … this is great! Crazy Swiss making crazy apps. But it’s not just apps … Pretty Poo is positioned to take over the world with a clever social media and merchandising scheme. You got your Pretty Poo Facebook page … some Pretty Poo on Twitter … a bit of Pretty Poo television on YouTube … and Pretty Poo shirts, hats, umbrellas, boxer shorts, messenger bags, etc. Watch out Sponge Bob … Pretty Poo is going to poop all over your animated success and become the new King of Stupid, with style of course!
A Serious KRAPPS [Video]
(apologies in advance to Jerad over at The App Podcast … we couldn’t resist … thanks for having a sense of humor.)
Ever wonder what KRAPPS would be like as a serious review site? Like if TUAW, Just Another iPhone Blog or Touch My Apps decided to review crappy apps, but with their normal serious tone/style:
“Although the Plus One app has limited functionality, its UI is superb with large, simple and user-friendly buttons. Adding the number one over and over just became simple.”
“Gym Babes is an engaging app best suitable for mature audiences. The filming technique is outstanding, with its original and unique front-view treadmill angle.”
So we came across a video review over at The App Podcast of the Wishing Well app. We pissed our pants it was so funny … a serious funny, if you will. Wishing Well is an app that does one thing … you throw a coin into a wishing well. And that’s it … throw a coin into a wishing well. How the hell The App Podcast could make a two minute video review about this app is beyond us … it does one FREAKING thing – throw a coin into a wishing well. Anyways, the below is what KRAPPS would be like if we took the serious approach. LOL.
Nude Images Now Appearing In Check myHottie – This Is Getting Old
Now we know this is getting old … nude images found within Apple approved iPhone apps … but lately nudes (or porn if you will – the matter is subjective) have been appearing at an alarming rate (assuming Apple’s no nudity policy is still in effect – which is a confusing one as-is). Below is a summary of apps which contained nude images:
June 25 – Hottest Girls
July 01 – BeautyMeter
July 30 – theXchange
Less than two months since the first iPhone app naked image was discovered, the Check myHottie app now joins the infamous group of aforementioned “nudie” apps.
Check myHottie was released today around 12:30 am PST. Similar to BeautyMeter, this is a “Rate Me” app, where images are uploaded by the user and then rated others. Within 12 hours of release, Check myHottie began displaying topless photos.
As with any app containing user generated content, it is very difficult to monitor and enforce any restrictions. While Check myHottie’s developer, Macrominds, made a conscious effort to restrict and defend against inappropriate content (by implementing a “Flag” notification button) … it seems such attempts futile. The fact remains … apps which contain user generated content (especially those “Rate My Picture” apps) have a high propensity of containing nude images.
In the case of “Rate Me” apps, Apple might consider requiring developers to approve images before they go live, rather than relying on users to flag content after the fact. Obviously cumbersome, but perhaps a method to avoid future App Store nip slips.
Stare At Sweaty Bouncy Boobs With Gym Babes
Ok, let’s just cut to the chase. Two hot chicks … sweaty, salty, bouncy breasts. And that’s pretty much all you need to know about the Gym Babes app. Enough said … skip to the bouncing boobies video at the end of this article.
Now if you insist on taking a closer look, we got you covered. Let’s start by meeting the stars of Gym Babes, Emilia and Skaiste (no idea how to pronounce her name … but really, are names even important in this app?). Emilia works for an ad agency and can be described as “happy-go-lucky”. She likes to make people smile and thus is willing to share her running magic with you. Now Skaiste, on the other hand, seems to be a bitch. She is too serious, rarely smiles and is a lawyer (ah, that explains it). But she’s a bitch by reason … men are always checking this sweet thing out. So she probably uses her bitchyness as a shield for protection … very enigmatic and intriguing.
Now imagine if you were one of those hi-tech peeping toms who setup video cameras in women’s locker rooms, dressing rooms, showers, etc. Gym Babes has sort of that voyeur feel to it. However instead of a women’s dressing room, your camera is mounted on a treadmill inside the local gym … providing you extreme boobie close-ups of seemingly unsuspecting female gym members. Both Emilia and Skaiste have three videos each … running, walking and slow motion running. Each video provides ample titillating pleasure.
Similar to the sexed-up Knicker Picker app we recently reviewed … Gym Babes will enable guys of all ages to waste hours of their lives getting their quasi sexual jollies. And like the developer, Vertex, writes … “Life is beautiful when you can enjoy this”. LOL – actually the entire Gym Babes description is pretty comedic in it of itself …
Bad day? – Gym Babes will help cheer you up! Two gorgeous girls working out, can this get better? – Uh, apparently not … just look at these actual user reviews …
However Gym Babes is not without its faults, which hopefully the pervs … errr … the developers at Vertex will rectify in a future update: no rear view shots for the Ass Man and no hot chicks working out in lingerie (hey, don’t all hot chicks work out in lingerie?).
As you can see by the video below … Gym Babes is a total loser … errr … winner! And we can totally see why Apple would reject that piece of shit app Google Voice in favor of Gym Babes. Hey, can this get any better? … guess the U.S. Government will decide.
Just Say No To Farts With The iDontFart App
Ok Apple, enough with the fart apps. We all get it … the iPhone can fart. Ha! – Ha! iFarts were funny say the first 147 times. Now that there’s hundreds of them … uh, can you read:
LAME!
Seriously … why do we need all this krapp: a farting camera – Camera Fart … a farting piano – Farthoven … female farts – Girls Fart Too … Alien Farts … Mexican farts – El Fart Mexicano … Monkey Fart … and the list goes on. What’s sad is that we used to like farts. Farts were fun and amusing. But now they are so overplayed by Apple, we just can’t stand them … Apple ruined farts and traded it for the almighty dollar … FARTS SUCK!
And that’s exactly why we purchased the new iDontFart app [iTunes]. Heck, at the time of purchase, we didn’t even know what the hell it did … all we knew is that iDontFart is an anti-fart app, which is good enough for us. If they had t-shirts, we’d purchase one too. Hats, 
stickers, coffee mugs … bring it on iDontFart … we want it all. FARTS SUCK!
Anyways, so when we finally had a calming moment (thanks to our myVibe app), we started tinkering around with iDontFart … and wouldn’t cha know – this sucker is actually quite handy. The premise is when you feel an anal ahem coming on, you launch the app and play one of the numerous “masking” sounds like a Cough, Snapping Fingers, Flushing Toilet, Rattling Keys, Shuffling Newspaper or others. So you’re disguising your farts with common everyday sounds. Freaking brilliant! We can totally see this useful after a big Mexican dinner, when playing golf (Tiger Woods could’ve used it, eh?), in a confessional … heck, even in bed while lighting a Dutch Oven … it’s all good!
So Apple declared their App Store “revolutionary” … well One Infinite Loop, we’re declaring our own revolution! A fight against the hundreds of annoying loser fart apps Apple has approved. Led my our fearless leader is iDontFart – we will “Save Our Dignity” …
99 cents is a small price to for change. Viva La Resistance!
Dancing Pancakes – Further Proof The App Store Is On Drugs
Shhhh! Be very quiet … let’s listen in on a conversation over at HarryWorks – they develop high quality, life changing iPhone apps. We think they went to Stanford, they are mensas:
>> “Dude – I’m hungry”
>> “Cool – I’m wasted dude”
>> “Yeah dude, that’s why I’m hungry – I’m so wasted also”
>> “Dude – let’s get some grind”
>> “Dude – we have no dinero for food, Apple still hasn’t paid us”
>> “Paid us for what dude?”
>> “Dude – the app we sell in the App Store – I forget its name”
>> “We don’t have an app dude”
>> “We don’t?!? Dude – shut up – I thought we sell apps”
>> “No dude – we have no app, no dinero and no food – but we are wasted”
>> “Dude – let’s make an app right now”
>> “We’re wasted and hungry dude”
>> “Right on dude – it’ll be killer – let’s make an app when we’re wasted and hungry –
everyone will buy it”
>> “Ok dude – let’s make an app – got any ideas”
>> “Let’s make an app with a pancake dude – we’ll make the pancake do stuff like dance,
whistle and sing”
>> “Dude – you are out of your F’ing mind – that is some stupid shit”
>> “I know dude – I’m so hungry and wasted”
You think we’re kidding about this drug induced brainstorming session (we use the term “brain” loosely)? … uh, no … meet Raoul The Dancing Pancake
Seriously, WTF is this – Harold and Kumar Go To App Land? … “An app where you can mess with a pancake” … ????? … sorry bro, too freaking weird for us – we’d rather mess with Sexy Memory or the Tera Patrick apps. And don’t give us this krap … “we’re targeting the kid market” … seeing a pissed off pancake in a bed of flames is a sure fire way to jack up your children for the rest of their lives.
So we got a Bacon Man … and we got a Matzah Man … and now we have a Pancake Man who not only dances, whistles and sings … but has wild mood swings? Damn, who needs drugs when you have the App Store.
SEX-A-MA-PHONE – Change You Life With The 99 Cent Cojones Machine
(editor’s note: no … this is not a phone sex app … carry on)
Ok, let’s be honest … we could all use a little help meeting someone of the opposite sex. Well unless you are that 30-year-old, still living in your parents’ house, working 20 hours a week at Best Buy for minimum wage while your mom washes and folds your clothes. Heck, we understand your goals … being locked in your room, socializing with your online “friends” playing non-stop World of Warcraft … yeah baby, that’s nice! But for the rest of us, a little help in the Love and Sex department never hurts … right? Come on … be real!
Of course you could go take you chances with the loaded gun Russian Roulette method of eHarmony or Match.com. And one scary Russian deserves another … how about a Russian mail-order bride – yikes! Got ADD? – you’ll love meeting 25 potential partners in 25 seconds … do the Speed Dating thing and make your head bleed.
Look … back away from your Green Card seeking foreign BrideZilla. Help is just a touch away on your iPhone with the SEX-A-MA-PHONE app [iTunes]. Oh sure there are other “flirty hook-up” apps … but you’ll be cooler with SEX-A-MA-PHONE … it’s not just an app, it’s a social lubricant (we like that phrase). This sucker reeks of quality. Phenomenal graphics and this sci-fi time machine vibe going on – fancy gauges, mechanical switches, a glass chamber … even comes with a flux capacitor … hot chick’s love flux capacitors!
And SEX-A-MA-PHONE is so freaking easy to use … even WoW geeks could use it if they ever decide to crawl out of their bedrooms. Select the “Guy” or “Girl” option, blow into the mouthpiece … this will set the device in motion (which is a bitching sight unto itself) … ultimately spitting out a reading from the results wheel. With 128 unique results like … Shag-a-delic, McDreamy, Hot Tamale, Man Whore, Porn Star, Dr. Love, Wicked Hot, Ball Buster, Babe-o-licious, Really a dude, Goddess, etc. … you’ve broken the ice and opened the door for magical romance (or a drink poured on your head).
SEX-A-MA-PHONE comes with a killer hidden feature which enables you to guarantee a result. Say you want to meet this hottie – last thing you want is for hottie to get a “Warning: Causes Blue Balls!” reading. So on the main screen, before you select the “Guy” or “Girl” option, touch the valve on the far right side – the valve rotates 90 degrees and always produces a positive outcome. Want to screw with a friend? Touch the same valve twice quickly – the valve rotates 45 degrees and always produces a negative results. The valve resets to its default position once you go back to the main screen. Use this feature wisely … it’ll give you superhuman powers … don’t be a dick and abuse these powers, it gives us superhumans a bad rap.
So next time you dork-up trying to approach that hot chick or total stud, get the Cojones Machine –> SEX-A-MA-PHONE … guaranteed to give you the cojones to break the ice.
Fine … there are no guarantees in life (yeah, yeah – death and taxes – whatever) … but
SEX-A-MA-PHONE is the closest thing you’ll get to a guaranteed flirty ice-breaker social lubricant (either that or massive amounts of shits and giggles amongst your friends). Heck, if it worked for that poor old country bastard Clem and his mangy hairless dog,
SEX-A-MA-PHONE [iTunes] should be a slam dunk for the rest of you!
SEX-A-MA-PHONE … the 99 cent Cojones Machine
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