The Dumbing Of Apple

Apple … Apple … Apple … you all seriously need to have your heads examined. Every time we see those television commercials about the iPhone … how super cool it is – how many awesome things it does … well, to be honest, we just have to laugh of loud – because we know that’s only half the truth.

 

One of the great things about the iPhone is that …
if you want to look like an idiot – there is an app for that
if you want to be gross – there is an app for that
if you want to be a pervert – there is an app for that
if you want to be stupid – there is an app for that

Let’s take a look at a new KRAPPS that hit the App Store yesterday … the Nothing app, by NTP. No, we are not making this up … one of the great things about the iPhone is that it does nothing. No, we are not drunk … Apple really did approve an app about nothing. Still don’t believe us … read the app’s description below:

NothingDesc

So the Nothing app is essentially a joke … the user touches the Nothing Button and a series of different “nothing messages” appear:

“absolutely nothing”
“nothing else matter”
“nothing compares to you”
“nothing ventured, nothing gained”
“made you look” (little dev humor here)

Nothing1    Nothing2

AppleDunce Ha! Ha! Ha! … yeah we get it. The whole Seinfeld thing … a show about nothing – an app about nothing … poking fun (like we do) at KRAPPS. Excellent work NTP. A subtle poke at Apple for approving endless KRAPPS. Still need proof to The Dumbing Of Apple – the Nothing app is available for sale in the App Store for 99 cents.

March 9, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 21 Comments 

Alternate Endings App

By demand, KRAPPS will periodically review “legit” apps thru a network of guest authors.

update: all ten Alternate Endings codes have been claimed – thank you

Title: Alternate Endings
Category: Entertainment
Author: Dean

ae-logo2 Recently, I came across an app called Alternate Endings. This app has been available for awhile, but after playing it I thought that it was just so great I had to review it. Imagine watching a movie and being able to control what happens. In Alternate Endings, you can do just that!

Take the role of Russell Bingham. A security guard in a typical movie studio, however, after a big-time movie director is murdered, its up to Russell and his trusty taser to find the culprit. Follow Russell’s adventure and control his path in his one and only shot to become a real cop and maybe get a little extra.

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During numerous parts of the game you will be prompted to make a decision. What you decide will be played in a movie-like style and based on your choices, you can actually change the outcome of the movie for better or worse. Try to solve the crime in the best way possible, but don’t get yourself or others killed in the process. If you don’t like the ending, play again and follow a different path in order to find a better and more rewarding finish.

ae-get-the-girl

Alternate Endings is simply an amazingly designed game and definitely one of my favorites. It is the world’s first murder-mystery-comedy interactive movie app that lets you solve the crime. It truly feels like you are watching a movie and directing it at the same time. It contains over an hour of recorded video with literally no flaws in this game. The acting is great, the script is superb, and the quality is amazing. Stuck and can’t decide what choice to make? Simply shake your iPhone (or iPod Touch) and a choice will randomly be selected. The app is fairly large in terms of storage, but that should not keep you from downloading.

ae-best-ending

Click here to purchase Alternate Endings for $1.99 via iTunes or visit the Alternate Endings web site for more in depth information and an AWESOME game trailer.

Anti-Krapps-Seal-v2GIF EDITORS NOTE: Wow! Talk about unique … Alternate Endings is a one of a kind app that is first class all the way. Obviously a lot of time, money and effort went into this app – it’s basically like shooting a movie and turning it into a game. Talk about cool and well worth the $1.99. Without a doubt, Alternate Endings is
100% anti-KRAPPS Certified.

FREE Alternate Endings App ($1.99 Value) To KRAPPS Viewers!
Alternate Endings writer/director, Greg Townsend, was kind enough to provide 10 codes which will allow KRAPPS viewers to download the app for FREE. Be one of the first 10 to tweet the message below on Twitter and win Alternate Endings.

follow @KRAPPS & read Alternate Endings interactive movie iPhone app review. 100% anti-KRAPPS Certified http://KRAPPS.com #followfriday

March 6, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Entertainment, Games, Guest Authors | 6 Comments 

Appa iFonna Chi

animal-house2 The more we hang out in the App Store looking for our next subject, the more we feel like we are living in a Frat House (yeah, yeah … don’t call it a frat … it’s a fraternity – whatever … get over it). Seriously, we took up residence in Appa iFonna Chi … complete with cases of beer apps, an abundance of boobie and girlie apps … oh, don’t forget the gross toilet apps … and with all that beer, you know there’s gonna be some puking apps … and no Frat House would be complete without endless fart apps. Welcome to Appa iFonna Chi baby!

So we got our Frat House completely furnished with the grossest of KRAPPS – it’s all good. Well it was all good until yesterday when another frat app was released and our house just had to have it (gotta love these developers … no grossness is left unturned).

Ok, enough teasing. Please give a warm Appa iFonna Chi welcome to our newest brother – iLoogie. Ah yes, there is so much potential for iLoogie at Appa iFonna Chi – our strongest rush candidates ever. Why? Cuz the dude is flat out DISGUSTING. Here’s how he rolls:

iLoogieDescFinal

GROSS! Exactly- perfect for out Frat House! Even better, check out iLoogie’s final product:

iLoogieKRAPPS1  castroloogie  iLoogieKRAPPS2

GROSS! GROSS! GROSS! … LOL – yeah baby, Appa iFonna Chi – this is how we do it!

And finally – being the thorough reporters we are, we visited the iLoogie web site and were shocked to see these two male Russian models – Elad and Tal – pimping the iLoogie app. Not sure if it’s genius (the whole sex sells thing) or further evidence of KRAPPS.

Elad2    Tal

But as we dug a bit deeper into the site, we discovered something even more distrubing … Elad and Tal are not hired hunks … they are the founders of the iLoogie company, Libra Festival. LOL … dudes, mix in a shirt! … But Elad and Tal work perfectly into the theme of iLoogie … perfect candidates for Appa iFonna Chi.

March 6, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 18 Comments 

Lipstick On A Pig

update: all iFlush Public Utility codes have been claimed – thank you

The other day while sifting through the piles of KRAPPS in the App Store, we found a real nugget. This nugget made us happy and being the givers that we are, we’d like to share it with you (you’re welcome). Simply put … go get the iFlush Public Utility app now! Why on earth should you get this KRAPPS? Good question! answer: because it’s SUPER KRAPPS!

iFlush Public Utility is one amazing toilet app. You know, the kind of app used to flush away things you hate … and instantly feel better. Ah yes, very therapeutic. Well this ain’t no ordinary stress relieving toilet … this sucker is the Porsche 911 of toilet apps … check it, Porsche 911 TURBO. Seriously, it’s really that krapptastic … just check out iFlush Public Utilities features (all standard options, no need to pay more than a buck for this bad bunny):

3 toilets options: Power Flush, Outhouse or Western Standard
12 built-in flush objects (ex wife, burrito, LOL the cat, two faced friend, etc.)
Customizable flush object using images from your iPhone’s photo library
Dolby Digital Surround Sound
And of course, a fart button (all good KRAPPS include this)

iflushpc2     iflushpc3

We gotto tell ya … for as much as this is KRAPPS … developer Elimination Systems actually did an awesome job coding iFlush Public Utility. And we are being serious – seriously. When you load a customizable flush object, the user has the ability to resize and adjust the image within the toilet bowl. Graphics are solid and creative. The “Pick Your Toilet” screen is on a roll of toilet paper. The “Pick Your Flush Object” screen is a bathroom wall with some very funny graffiti … iFart Stinks! … for a good time go to iflush.net … and more, but we’ll play it safe and leave you with the tamest two of the bunch. Heck, even their promo video is tight and professional … check it out for a good laugh.

iflushpc1    iflushpc4

So is KRAPPS getting soft? Is KRAPPS becoming vain and falling in love with KRAPPS. NO! NO! NO! iFlush Public Utility is still KRAPPS … however we do appreciate the coding and attention to detail – pretty darn impressive. But as the saying goes … you can’t put lipstick on a pig … but in the case of iFlush Public Utility,  it’s a super pig … aka SUPER KRAPPS.

FREE iFlush Public Utility App To KRAPPS Viewers!
Elimination Systems, developers of iFlush Public Utility, were kind enough to provide codes which will allow KRAPPS viewers to download their SUPER KRAPPS for FREE. Simply be one of the first 5 to leave a comment at the end of this review. Enjoy!

March 5, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 23 Comments 

A Masterpiece

Today we’d like to talk about one of the most fascinating things in life and the iPhone app dedicated to this magnificent thing. Basically this thing should be included as one of the 7 Wonders Of The World – it really is that HUGE. Heck, we get chills just thinking it … it’s big, really big. Like First Man On The Moon BIG! We know you’ll be equally as excited, drop everything and download this app. Ohhh, this is going to be SO good!

AlmondEmulator-Icon Ok – ok – ok … what is this awesome thing we are talking about? … wait for it … ALMONDS! Yes sirree … ALMONDS. Screw that trendy bacon krap, almonds are awesome! And boy is the world in luck because Trevis Rothwell has released a one-of-a-kind, dedicated almond app … AlmondEmulator. This is the sole almond app you’ll find in the App Store – go figure. Can’t believe our boy Trevis was the only one bright enough to recognize the brilliancy of almonds and release AlmondEmulator.

AlmondEmulator is too cool. When you touch the almond, its spits out various almond facts: “almonds are not true nuts, but are drupes” – “the almond is native to India, Syria and Turkey” – “almonds are a good source of Vitamin E”. I know – pretty exciting stuff. But wait, it gets even better. There are four buttons which you can press to 1) Taste, 2) Smell, 3) Feel and 4) Listen to the almond. And get this, when you press the “Taste” button, the following text appears: It tastes just like an almond. Press the “Smell” button = It smells just like an almond. “Feel” button = It feels just like an almond. “Listen” = It sounds just like an almond. Whoa … slow down there sparky … this is simply too amazing.

AlmondEmulator-Screen-2    AlmondEmulator-Screen-3

Yup, the AlmondEmulator is simply Un-Freaking-Believable! Huge of Apple for approving this app … and even more genius of Trevis for developing this masterpiece – just an amazing talent! So stop what your doing and download AlmondEmulator now! I know you’d pay upwards of $9.99 for this gem … but can you believe it’s FREE?!? And pay no attention to the user reviews below. These folks are just haters. The heck with them. Download now!

Waste of space. Deleted.
Not even worth the free download.
Shamelessly stupid app.
Absolute Uselessness. Why would such an app be allowed in the store?

March 2, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 14 Comments 

Touch Poet App

By demand, KRAPPS will periodically review “legit” apps thru a network of guest authors.

update: all 10 Touch Poet apps have been claimed – thank you

Title: Touch Poet
Category: Entertainment
Guest Author: Dennis

Still in the doghouse because you forgot to do something nice for your sweetie on Valentine’s Day? Don’t actually have a sweetie and just want to woo the girl of your dreams? Some dude wrote a lame poem and stole your girlfriend from you?

Touch-Poet-Icon While you may feel like moaning and whining about it (or even blaming us why KRAPPS didn’t remind you it was Valentine’s Day or give our recommendation for the best pick-up line app), it would be more productive to quickly finish reading this little blurb and pick up the Touch Poet app to end your miseries. With Touch Poet, you can quickly generate a poem that Shakespeare or Edgar Allen Poe would be proud of. Using the actual words that these great men have left us, you can piece together a masterpiece of your own using Touch Poet. If these classics authors will leave them asking you “WTH??” go the “hip” route and generate words from DIGG articles and recent news. Once you have completed your work of art, Touch Poet allows you to tweet it on Twitter (it’s like broadcasting an ad … all the girls will come flocking to you) or just directly email it to the person. It’s just that easy with Touch Poet!

touchpoet_003  touchpoet_004

So what are you waiting for? Make your belated-Valentine’s Day gift now! Go win your woman back now! Go meet chicks! … all with the help of Touch Poet.

touchpoet_002

antikrappssealv2gif EDITORS NOTE: With all the KRAPPS and redundant apps (how many pickup line apps are there now?) in the App Store, Touch Poet is a breath of fresh air. It is an innovative and unique app that fuels your creativity – this is a good thing – we all need creativity fuel! Touch Poet is 100% anti-KRAPPS certified.

FREE Touch Poet App ($2.99 value) To KRAPPS Viewers!
Morgan Brown Consultancy, makers of Touch Poet, were kind enough to provide codes which will allow KRAPPS viewers to download Touch Poet for FREE. Simply be one of the first 10 viewers to leave a comment at the end of this review. PLZ leave a review in iTunes.

February 28, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Entertainment, Guest Authors | 29 Comments 

Apple Is Creeping Us Out

Not sure if you’ve noticed, but there’s been some really strange KRAPPS hitting the App Store lately. And no, we’re not talking about those sophomoric frat boy crude apps (sorry frat boy) like farts, burps and vomit. We’re talking some seriously weird apps … stuff most normal folks wouldn’t even think of.

SpankTink Take for example those stress relieving apps … Zen Garden, Stress Reducer, Koi Pond, etc. Legit apps … they serve a purpose … we get it – it’s all good. But when Apple starts thinking that spanking serves as a legitimate stress reducer … well sorry, that’s just really demented. Yes, you heard it correctly … the KRAPPS bar has been raised – SPANKING APPS!!

Last week two spanking apps were approved by Apple … the Spank app and the Spank The Monkey (STM) app. Both are positioned as stress relievers and amazingly, Spank The Monkey is sold within the Heathcare & Fitness category. LOL … I seriously wonder if Steve Jobs even realizes the KRAPPS that’s being offered for the iPhone. Hey Steve, was that really your vision for the iPhone … for some screwball to use it for their spanking desires … errrrr … “stress relief”? There are so many places we could go with Spank and Spank The Monkey, but we’ll refrain and keep it at PG-13. DUUUDE – STEEEVE … COME ON!

And of course, what’s a KRAPPS without an entertaining app description – especially the plea in Spank about not using the app in a sexually suggestive manner … GEEZ!

Spanking-Apps-Desc

Maybe it’s just us … maybe we need to broaden our horizons … but never in our wildest dreams could we imagine iPhone spanking apps. Something is going on at Apple and it’s really starting to creep us out.

February 24, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment, Health | 9 Comments 

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