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- Here’s To The Crazy Ones
- Despite Female Moans, SexLife Trailer Fails To Arouse [Video]
- Wii iPhone 4 iOS Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Slap A Sexy Belly, Make Music, Huh? – Belly Jam iPhone App [Video]
- Adventure, To The Max! [iPhone Game Review]
- epic – The Toolbox iPhone iOS 4 Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Recap Week Of January 3
- Sexy Star Wars Pinups – EWWW!
- Weird Stuff From Japan – iPhone 4 Sushi Case
- MegaMan iPhone iOS 4 Home Screen Wallpaper Collection [Download]
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Apple’s Idiotic Statement To iPhone 4 Reception Issues – Don’t Hold It That Way
We often wonder what it would be like to work for Steve Jobs at Apple (well, not really … we just thought this sounded like a good opening line). Sit around … kiss Steve’s ass … Yes Men only need apply. Take for example the latest brown-nosing incident … iPhone 4 reception issues.
So basically some bizarre shit is going on with iPhone 4 when you hold it like a normal person. Seems that iPhone 4 can’t pick up signals when you’re holding it in your hand as the metal band around the phone is the antenna … and touching the antenna jacks everything up … as in, you lose reception. For complete details, check out Gizmodo’s excellent write-up.
Anywhoo … an iPhone 4 user emailed Steve Jobs about the problem and received a concise reply, “just avoid holding it in that way” Jobs said.
Seriously Steve? Your the CEO of the world’s most valuable technology company and that’s your response? Let’s see … we spent half a day on Apple’s crashing website trying to pre-order iPhone 4 … stood another five hours in line to pick it up … ate top ramen for a month to save enough money. And now when we hold iPhone 4 like any normal person would, it doesn’t work … and you tell us … Don’t Hold It That Way? FFFFUUUU – DON’T MAKE IT THAT WAY BIATCH!
But the beauty of Steve’s email response is Apple’s public relations department … the Yes Men … “Hey Steve, that’s a great explanation – as usual, you’re a revolutionary and magical genius! Screw customer service … screw looking into the issue with any detail … we’ll make your email response Apple’s official company statement” … and so the Yes Men did. The official statement …
Gripping any mobile phone will result in some attenuation of its antenna performance, with certain places being worse than others depending on the placement of the antennas. This is a fact of life for every wireless phone. If you ever experience this on your iPhone 4, avoid gripping it in the lower left corner in a way that covers both sides of the black strip in the metal band, or simply use one of many available cases.
LMAO …. Don’t Hold It That Way … PR brilliance. But what’s even more idiotic are Apple’s iPhone 4 video promotions that show users holding it the right wrong way. Check out the ironic screenshots of Apple videos below, all available on Apple’s website.
[for even more ironic and hysterical examples, visit Cameron Hunt’s brilliant new website -> “Just Avoid Holding It In That Way”]
But look, don’t feel bad for holding iPhone 4 like a normal person … even Russian President Dimitry Medvedev had difficulties executing the new magical iPhone 4 grip.
[image courtesy of iPhone Savior]
Steve Wozniak Waiting Overnight In Line For The iPhone 4 [pictures & videos]
We love Steve Wozniak! While it could be really easy for the co-founder of Apple to be an arrogant, self-righteous prick … on the contrary … Woz is a level-headed, down-to-earth man of the people who is totally cool, likeable and approachable.
Take for instance today, June 23 … the eve of the iPhone 4 launch … where’s Woz?
Well around 5:00PM, Woz jumped into his Prius and drove to Parth Dhebar’s home. Who is this Parth character, Wozniak’s new assistant? Nope … Parth is just a normal kid … a high school junior and the creator of the excellent iPhone app review site Simple-Reviews.com. Woz met Parth while camping out on April 2 in front of an Apple Store … waiting overnight to be one of the first to purchase the magical iPad. Woz and Parth remained in contact and thought it would be cool to carry on their traditional camping trip.
[editor’s note: hold on … WTH is all that crap to the left of Woz’s dashboard? …. seriously Woz, how many freaking GPS systems do you really need?]
So like we said, Woz drove to Parth’s home … picked him up … and gave him a ride to the Apple Store inside the Valley Fair Mall in Santa Clara, CA. They are now both waiting overnight to become day one proud owners of the iPhone 4 when they go on sale Thursday, June 24 at 7:00AM. Too freaking cool!
Of course Woz doesn’t have to go through the trouble of waiting over 12 hours in line for the latest iDevice … but the dude freaking rocks … he just enjoys hanging out with fellow MacHeads, signing autographs, riding his segaway inside the mall and waiting to become an early adopter – just like the rest of us Apple zombies. Gotta love it!
New App Can Fix Erectile Dysfunction (Why, God, Why)
The flow of bullshit running through the App Store is seemingly endless …
Nine bucks buys you the Hair Clinic app. Simply hold the iPhone to your head for 10 minutes a day and the app delivers healthy and abundant hair. [BULLSHIT]
Think you could stand to lose a few pounds? Become a lean, mean, loving machine with the FatBurner2K app. Just stick the iPhone on your belly and it will literally shake away your fat molecules resulting in weight loss. [BULLSHIT]
The Less Cigarette app will magically change the flavor of your cigarette so it tastes like ass and help you quite smoking. [BULLSHIT] Thirteen bucks will heal your wart using the Wart Healer app … notice we said wart, as in one wart … additional wart healings can be purchased for $13 each via in-app purchase. [BULLSHIT]
And for the latest and greatest achievement … the iPhone can now fix ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION with the Fire Up Your Sex Drive app …
Yes sir – you heard it right … the iPhone now has the ability to deliver a healthy hard on … and it doesn’t even require the new iOS4. Per the app’s description …
Just listen to the audio for 6 minutes everyday, and after 20 days your male sexuality will be enhanced for more than 85%! The effect is close to taking a viagra!
Sound waves baby – it’s all about sound waves … (6 minutes a day) x (20 days) = 85% increased enhancement … hmmm, not a bad ROI indeed. LMAO … gotta love the outrageous claim –> The Effect Is Close To Taking A VIAGRA! Good thing Apple employees sat around with woodies as they tested and approved Fire Up Your Sex Drive.
You might think the sound wave thing is all nonsense … but how can you doubt the validity of the developer’s claim with this sound explanation …
This application makes a kind of high frequency alpha wave to synchronize with your brain wave. It could stimulate your brain to adjust endocrine system and produce some male sex hormone. This is a very healthy way without any side effect and you will not need the pills to destroy your body any more!
And if you’re still not convinced … Fire Up Your Sex Drive was tested on a large number of male users … the results were conclusive …
About 580 men have tried this application, and the effective percentage is even more than 77%
So next time you are experiencing a sad penis … just remember … iPhone – The Quicker Pecker Upper. [BULLSHIT]
Action Sex Positions – A Guide For Having Sex While Driving A Motorcycle & More
We’ve been over this before … the App Store is getting saturated with hundreds of sex positions applications. With selections like Mythical Sex Positions, Lesbian Kama Sutra and Sex During Pregnancy … there’s a sex position application to satisfy everyone’s curiosity and then some. Are you a circus acrobat or gymnast – check out eXtreme Sex Positions. Frequently confused during threesome sex – let 69 Positions be your threeway guide.
But unfortunately there is a severe flaw with every sex position app available for download …they all involve sex in the bedroom. With today’s active, busy and on-the-go lifestyles, no one has time for bedroom sex … not to mention mattress moves are boring. Give the people what they really need … it’s all about efficiency – multi-tasking when making love. Like having sex while flying a helicopter … efficient and not boring at all.
If this sexual philosophy sounds all good, you’ll be thrilled to know that Apple has just approved Action Sex Positions …
Action Sex Positions is the only application available which gives detailed instructions for having sex in a flying helicopter, on a moving racing boat or while driving a motorcycle.
.
Each position is presented with the selected vehicle in full animation and includes realistic sound effects. The swooshing of helicopter blades or the revving of motorcycle engines makes Action Sex Positions an engaging interactive experience.
Also included is an explicit step-by-step guide for accomplishing each “action position” and its male and female “benefits” … mattress moves be gone!
But some words of advice, which can save a life …. maybe even your own … take Oprah’s No Phone Zone pledge:
I pledge to make my action sex a No Phone Zone activity.
Beginning right now, I will not text or use my phone while I am driving and having sex.
If I need to use my phone, I will pull out and pull over to a secure location.
iPhone 4 And iPad Commercials – If Apple Cut The Bullshit [Videos]
A couple of “banned” iPhone 4 / iPad promos are circulating the Internet … dry humor at its best – funnier than a fart in a space suit. We love the 2nd Camera Senior Vice President and a few of our favorite lines include …
iPhone 4:
”It’s going to change the way we think about phone sex”
”We invented a new metal”
”The best way to reinvent a product is to add a second camera”
iPad:
”The camera didn’t fit”
”You can’t take photos with the iPad, but you can view and share the shit out of them”
Boogers … Everything You Wanted To Know And More – plus Recap: Week Of June 14
In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.
June 14: 69 Positions Becomes First Sex Position App To Include Threesome Variations
June 15: Taito Corp. Launches Seven Space Invaders-Themed Utility Apps, All Free
June 16: Developer Uses App To Lash Out At ‘The Moral And Hypocritical Swine Of The World’
June 17: Help Me Poop – The iPhone’s First Laxative
June 18: AutoVerbal Talking Soundboard Gives A Voice To Those Who Can’t Speak
June 19: Hollywood Hospital – Time Management Meets Tinseltown [iPhone Game Review]
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A Brief Guide To Boogers
After reading this infographic, we realize we’ve taken boogers for granted. Not just simply an object for flinging … boogers are indeed fascinating. LOL … too much information!
(via OnlineSchools)
Hollywood Hospital – Time Management Meets Tinseltown [iPhone Game Review]
(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)
Oh noes! The rich and famous have been afflicted with a strange virus, turning them into caricatures from famous horror and action movies. It’s up to you and your crackerjack team of healthcare professionals to render treatment and turn these Hollywood Horrors back into Hollywood Hotties in Hollywood Hospital for iPhone [iTunes $0.99]. And, if you’re good enough, you’ll bank some cash along the way.
Released last month by Spacehopper Studios and Zed Worldwide, S.A., this unique time management game incorporates several mini-games into the flow which keeps the action hopping as you juggle multiple patients who expect the best treatment without delay. In fact, they have no problem storming out if you’re taking too long attending to their needs.
Each of the dozen or so characters has a hilarious malady which corresponds to a particular Hollywood feature. In the first rounds, there’s a Gorgon who needs her serpentine hair trimmed before her closeup, Rambone, who needs a few stitches and the Zombie chick who just needs a slap of reality to fix her brain-eating ways.
At each level, you are given the opportunity to spend some money and upgrade various elements, like adding an extra doctor or putting in cushier waiting room chairs. Each improvement allows you to treat more patients more quickly and earn even more cash on the next level. I found each upgrade to be quite the return on investment.
As you clear through stages, additional wings are added to your hospital facility, giving you the ability to treat more varied conditions. Keep an eager eye out for the paparazzi, though. They’d like nothing better than to catch a star in an unflattering light. Keep them away and you’ll earn some extra points with your patients.
One unique aspect of the game is the ability to "chain" actions. So, once you learn the routine that each patient follows, you can quickly set up each of their stops, freeing you to keep tabs on the whole operation and the mini-games vs. micro-managing each little step.
Currently on sale for 99 cents [iTunes], this game has plenty of entertainment value even at its regular price of $1.99.
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