Take a dump –> Look between your legs –> look at your poop, make a sketch of it –> now write down your poop’s consistency and how it smells –> finally, for tracking purposes, note current date, time and place.
Now repeat this process for a week … and voila … you made a poop journal (or for you artsy fartsy … a Poop Moleskin)! How freaking cool is that!?! What? What did you say? We are weird? … no, YOU’RE weird! .. What? … no – NO – YOU’RE WEIRD! … NO, YOU’RE WEIRD! whatever … SHUT UP .. you’re the one that’s WEIRD – WEIRD … ha! … weird! … blah!
Anyways, we think the folks at SWS Digital would agree with us … if you don’t like documenting the details of your defecation … well then … you’re the one that’s weird. And that’s why SWS Digital created the POOP THE WORLD app … so us normal turd tracking folks can conduct our business (no pun intended) on the iPhone. But this ain’t no ordinary poop journal … Apple only approves the ultimate in tootsie roll tracking. Let’s take a tour:
Choose from 20 different dookie-types which best represent the look of your crapola (ex = Gorillas In The Mist, Ring Of Fire, Trail Mix, etc.) … Select from 21 fragrances which best describe the smell of your sea pickle (ex = Fish & Otter Waste, Fungus and Moss, Grandma’s Fur Coat, etc.) … Then hit the Flush button to enter your do-do data.
My Poop Stats:
Track your personal poopie stats like total number of toilet twinkies taken, tonnage of waste generated and miles of toilet paper consumed. Share details of your last lumber by email.
Leveraging the iPhone’s GPS technology, you can keep track of your load’s location history or use the real-time Global Poop Map & Leader Board to view other users marking their territory around the world (how’s that for social media!).
A colon cobra competition where you have the chance to collect four trophies … satisfies even the most competitive chocolate soldier.
So there you have it … Apple’s gift to baked brownie aficionados … POOP THE WORLD. Call it what you want …pinch a loaf, ride the porcelain pony, drop a brick, feed the goldfish, launch a log, plant potatoes or leave a deposit … we call it like we see it – and we see POOP THE WORLD as the ultimate –> SUPER POOPER. (you’re weird … ha!)
Back in February, we profiled the Binary Game iPhone application and declared it 100% anti-KRAPPS certified. Binary Game is a simple, yet highly addictive original game of binary math. It makes you think while having a ton of fun. Click here to read our original Binary Game review. In March, Binary Game was included in the first “phase” of Facebook Connect apps, which allowed users to post their scores directly to their Facebook feed.
We’ve been huge fans of Binary Game since its inception as the game is unique, challenging and loads of fun. Plus we noticed something really cool since we began playing Binary Game … we became SMARTER! Something about getting your brain juices flowing during game play must have had a positive impact on our noggin’, cuz seriously … we are SMARTER!
Binary Game had a recent update, so we thought we would pass along the info. There has been a complete redesign with new graphics and interface … we like, it’s tight! There is a new element to the game … the Daily Challenge mode. This new mode is the most competitive to date. It plays like Speed Mode (where you must complete 15 consecutive rounds as fast as possible), but can be played only once per day. You have one shot per day to chest-thump your superiority over other Binary Game players … no re-do’s or starting over. Freaking intense! So now, along with the Online Leader Board, there is also a Daily Mode Scoreboard.
And saving the best for last … Binary Game is now half off! Click here to purchase Binary Game now for only 99 cents … price should go back to it’s original $1.99 this weekend. Kind of a no-brainer … as we’d rather spend 99 cents to become SMARTER than drop for 9 bucks on some hair care app that promises healthier hair, LOL.
Ask any iPhone app developer and they will tell you that you really need to be careful with your application’s description when submitting to Apple for approval. Obviously no cuss words allowed, nothing graphic and just to be safe, tone down the humor. But as we noted in our Sexy Spinna article, sometimes the App Approval Department falls asleep at the wheel … LOL … by the way, did you know that the iNap@Work app is the Official Application of Apple’s App Approval Department … but we digress.
Ok, so get a load of this next one … sounds like a description from a certain movie genre and not something Apple would want to align with their brand/identity. With key words like … Drunk, Sex On the Beach, Wet T-Shirt Contests, Dead Brain Cells, Bikinis Removed, Going Topless, Nude Beaches, All Natural Teen Fun, College Teen Hotties, MILF Next Door and Porn … the Coed Spring Break app from McApps is a SEO’s fantasy come true.
LOL … WOW … those boys at McApps certainly know how to bring it! Classic stuff …
Got drunk, had sex on the beach
Going topless was celebrated
Nothing but all amateur, all natural teen fun
All original content … just college teen hotties
Close to porn as you can get on the app store
Whoa McApps … slow down there horn-dog … you’re going put Grampee KRAPPS into cardiac arrest with all this hot and bothered talk. But here’s the best part. Freaking McApps getting cocky and shit with their sexy Coed Spring Break … we love this trash-talking line:
Don’t Settle For Bikini Blast And Other Pansy Girly Apps
LOL @ McApps. WTF bro? You made a freaking iPhone app! You ain’t no heavyweight champion or something. Chill … freaking geeks, all nutted up on roids, mad-dogging other iPhone apps. LOL. It’s ok McApps … breathe deeply bro!
And come on … if you’re going to use a sexed-up term, use the damn thing correctly:
Just Exotic, Coed, College Teen Hotties Like The MILF Next Door
Dude, are you talking about? “College Teen Hotties Like The MILF Next Door”? Come on McApps … we bet our ass you never got laid on a Mexican beach like you claim. Broseph … teen hotties are NOT like MILFs. Actually, they have NOTHING to do with MILFs – unless, of course, they’re teens with kids – uhh, but let’s not go there. And get this, dudes that are into MILFs are typically NOT into teen hotties. Overall this is just bad/inaccurate sex marketing … and frankly, we’re a bit offended by this misuse of terminology. But no … it’s not McApp’s fault – and certainly this is not Apple’s fault. But who KRAPPS? Who is to blame? Ahhhh, iNap@Work strikes again … two victims this time – Apple and McApps … LOL!
SHHHH! Be quite – we’re at work, taking a nap. Ahhh, it’s so nice, going to our job and catching solid ZZZ’s for a good 3 to 4 hours. Yeah baby … Slacker Nation! We’ve been sleeping at work for 11 years now, perfecting our talent and becoming quite the experts.
In our rookie years, we used the basic “Hide And Sleep” method … simple, yet effective.
Next we shifted to the “Shave And Sleep” method. A bit expensive getting the proper cut and forces us to wear a hat most of the time – but hey, our head made for good party talk.
Our latest craft (we call it a craft because sleeping at work is an art) is the “Stick And Sleep” method … freaking awesome eyelid stickers called Sleep Safe Tape – they rock!
So 11 years of experience … we’re the sleep at work ninjas … or so we thought …
Obviously we’re big Apple fan boys. So last week we headed up to Cupertino to visit the Mothership. Because Apple adores us, we were able to get a VIP tour of One Infinite Loop – specifically the App Approval Department. And DANG, from what we witnessed … no wonder there are nearly 40,000 iPhone applications. These app approval employees work their asses off … or so we thought …
The App Approval Department was buzzing with activity … phones ringing, mouses clicking (or is it “mices clicking”? … ah screw it, who cares … go read Business Week if you want proper grammar) and keyboards banging. But a double-take led us to notice there were NO employees at their desks – every App Approval Department cubicle was empty! But what was this “activity” we kept hearing so clearly? Come to find out … it was a recently released iPhone application called iNap@Work – which plays office noise so that the user can sleep at/under his desk without any suspicions. WTH?!? These freaking slackers out-ninja’d us! They approved an app for their own selfish purposes … so the entire App Approval Department could snooze and avoid getting caught by Steve. That’s whack – we’re the sleeping ninjas, not Apple!
But I guess we’ll get the last sleeping ninja laugh … LOL … because while the App Approval Department was taking their iNap@Work snooze – a little app slipped by and caused quite the shitstorm … and now you know the real reason Baby Shaker was approved … the iNap@Work app and wannabe sleeping ninjas, Apple-style!
Happy Monday! Good weekend? We did … it was another Party, Party, Party weekends – cuz that’s how we roll … we da cool party people, ha! ha! Last time we talked about our weekend escapades in Could’ve Been Ugly, we detailed how an iPhone app saved us from a horrid walk of shame. Well this weekend, things went completely different.
We decided to call up our app developer friend Jimm and invite him to our old stomping grounds … the ultra-trendy Hollywood nightclub, Les Deux (yeah, we da party people, we roll with Britney and Rhianna – ha! ha! – we cool). Our friend Jimm is the ultimate playa – chicks dig him. It’s amazing, dude is like a chick magnet. Check out his picture (yes, that’s really the developer) … he’s a freaking rock star … so sexy!
Now Jimm may not look like a sexy rock star, but he’s got this techie geek vibe that just melts the ladies. Jimm (not a typo … it’s spelled with two “M’s” … cuz he’s like a sexy rock star) is so good at scoring the ladies that he decided to share his special talent by opening his own iPhone app company (MyAppCompany) and offer his valuable techniques for a mere 99 cents. Now it’s not what you’re thinking … it’s not one of those cheesy lame pickup line apps – “Do You Believe In Love At First Sight Or Should I Walk By You Again?” – VOMIT! Jimm’s got it down … the techie Hot Radar way. And it’s so simple to use … just read the app’s instructions:
Laughing? Don’t! … sexy Jimm is onto something. Granted, the first time we tried it on a hottie, she dumped her cosmo over our head … but no worries, it’s all good … we da party people, ha! ha! So we got a refresher course from Jim … and wouldn’t you know it … second time was a charm. Bingo – scored with the help of Hot Radar … smokin’ hot chickas for KRAPPS! Life rocks with with our friend sexy Jimm and his Hot Radar app. Hot Radar completely changed our life and hey, come to think of it … we might as well change our name. No longer are we KRAPPS … from this day forward, since we da cool party Hot Radar people, ha! ha! … we are now known as … sexy KRAPPS. Screw that! Make it bigger. Make it –> SOOO SEXY ROCK STAR KRAPPS!
Well that was a helluv a week. Looking back, it’s a bit funny … we discovered the Baby Shaker app on Tuesday night, April 21. We debated whether to write about Baby Shaker or another KRAPPS, even consulting the opinion of a few friends … it was a unanimous decision. Guess we had a “feeling”, because we started our Baby Shaker article with the following premonition:
“Our apologies in advance – this will not be a typical KRAPPS post. To borrow a baseball analogy, our mission is to hit what Apple tees up and this next one is going out of the park.”
And boy did Baby Shaker fly right out of the App Store park, creating a worldwide firestorm, picked up by every major media outlet – blogs, web sites, newspapers, television and radio. Google “Baby Shaker iPhone” … the returned results are well over 1 million.
Turns out Jennipher Dickens (@mom2amiracle), who founded a nonprofit organization (Stop Shaken Baby Syndrome, Inc.) after her son Christopher was injured from being shaken by his father, saw our Baby Shaker article … tweeted her disgust and forwarded a press release to 30,000 media companies citing KRAPPS as the source of the story. Well we all know what happened next … worldwide coverage … Apple removing Baby Shaker and issuing a public apology.
Here at KRAPPS we received a ton of media inquiries. We did a radio interview on San Diego-based 91X Morning Radio Show with Mat Diablo (which will be a reoccurring segment) and will conduct a video interview with The Wall Street Journal shortly.
KRAPPS servers were under extreme stress due to the insane increase in traffic on April 22. We thought perhaps things might subside on April 23, but to the contrary, traffic was even higher than the previous day. Our buddy at Kneadle (graphic & interactive design studio) hosts KRAPPS – but on April 23 informed us that KRAPPS traffic was bringing his business to a standstill and that we must leave … LOL … guess we wore out or welcome. So during the middle of the day, April 23, Kneadle conducted a practically seamless KRAPPS transition to Media Temple. Think we were down for about 20 minutes during the migration … but Kneadle kicked ass during the Baby Shaker incident and we owe our asses to them.
All in all, Baby Shaker made for crazy week behind the scenes at KRAPPS. But believe it or not, we wrote other articles this week … so in case you missed any of the other festivities, quick links to this week’s articles:
Apr 20: The Impossible Dream … we only imagined this app in our wildest dreams!
Apr 21: Who Poops Gold? … discover what Apple does while taking a dump
Apr 22: Baby Shaker – It’s Not Funny Apple … the article that started the worldwide firestorm
Apr 22: Shake Baby Until It Dies Update … timeline and details of the firestorm
Apr 22: Appy Newz Cover Contest … enter to win KRAPPS t-shirts and other cool prizes
Apr 24: Gangstas And Homies … wanna be a gangsta? there’s an app for that!
Apr 25: Rogue Touch Rocks … our anti-KRAPPS review of the Rogue Touch game
Breathing new life into a 30 year old game, the recently released Rogue Touch (by ChronoSoft) is a port of the venerable game of Rogue to the iPhone/iPod Touch. Rogue was one of the first graphical computer games and has a storied past of being ported to just about every platform since its release in 1980. The goal of the game is to descend 26 levels into a dungeon to retrieve an amulet and then return to the surface. No walk in the park, you will confront a menacing array of monsters along the way.
Rogue Touch utilizes the same style of dungeon layout as the original, while offering many new and updated features. Movement in the game is via touching the sides of the screen or by calling up a virtual arrow pad. I started playing in the touch mode, since that is the default, but once I switched to the D-pad, I found that I actually liked that interface better.
The graphics have an old school feel, an homage to the great graphical games of the past. My favorite of the monsters that I have encountered is the skeleton, even though I haven’t yet been able to get past it. Also high on the list of bad things to run into are the slimes. If you don’t make quick work of a slime, you will soon find yourself surrounded by them as the split and multiply quickly. The only graphic that I found out of place was the dungeon walls, which have crenellations atop them, only really appropriate for an above ground structure.
The music in Rogue Touch is quite good. A rousing introduction gives way to a great set of ambient sounds, which appeared to change based on the monsters that were present. If you tire of the damp, drippy dungeon sounds, you can always play your own iPod music and turn off the music/sound in the game. The settings are presented within the Settings application, so make sure you get everything set up before loading up the game.
To date, I’ve only survived into level six. Since the dungeon layout is randomized each time you start a new game, you can’t rely on previous knowledge to guide you. Sometimes the next set of stairs down is nearby and sometimes it is not. In the later levels, you will find rooms that are shrouded in darkness, so you might miss treasure or a monster if you don’t fully explore. Often, you will catch a monster napping. If you are lucky, they won’t wake up and you can scoot by them.
During one of my games I descended into a room with only one door that led to a dead-end hallway. I crawled every inch looking for a hidden door, but was unable to find one. Not sure if it was a program bug, or if I just happened to miss the correct square to search.
Some of the updates that are specific to this port are additional monsters, an auto-map that comes in very handy when trying to figure out where the last room on a level is, and in later levels, the ability to uncover additional character types to play (I have yet to find myself worthy).
All in all, Rogue Touch is a worthwhile addition to the iPhone. A nostalgic game with plenty of updates that take advantage of the premier mobile gaming device.
Click here to purchase Rogue Touch ($2.99) from the App Store now.
EDITOR’S NOTE: yeah – what Tim said! we love well made, high quality old school tribute games … and Rogue Touch does total justice to the original 1980 ASCII version. Oh – and make sure you check out the Worldwide Leaderboard and dedicated Discussion Forums. Rogue Touch rocks and is absolutely
100% anti-KRAPPS Certified.