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- Here’s To The Crazy Ones
- Despite Female Moans, SexLife Trailer Fails To Arouse [Video]
- Wii iPhone 4 iOS Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Slap A Sexy Belly, Make Music, Huh? – Belly Jam iPhone App [Video]
- Adventure, To The Max! [iPhone Game Review]
- epic – The Toolbox iPhone iOS 4 Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Recap Week Of January 3
- Sexy Star Wars Pinups – EWWW!
- Weird Stuff From Japan – iPhone 4 Sushi Case
- MegaMan iPhone iOS 4 Home Screen Wallpaper Collection [Download]
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Look At Me! I’m A Unicorn! – You Can Be One Too With Younicorn
We think it’s safe to assume that everyone loves unicorns. Why? Uh … because unicorns are awesome! They’re magical, they have shimmering hair, they come in pretty colors like pink and purple and also fart rainbows and glitter. Plus Charlie is a unicorn, he visits Candy Mountain and he totally rocks. Just think how much cooler you would look if you were riding a unicorn … pretty sweet, eh? Screw that … just think how much cooler you would be if you were a unicorn!
Well think no more – just do it with the indispensable new iPhone app …Younicorn … and we agree, it will “make everyday magical” by turning any photo into a unicorn.
For some reason, Oprah is immensely popular … however we just don’t get it. Now if she had a long, pointy horn growing out of her head, we’d hit that … three times!
Tiger Woods’ wife, Elin, sorta turned him into a unicorn. Yeah Tiger, you wish you had an awesome horn sticking out of your skull instead of a 3-iron.
Many folks think Steve Jobs is God. Meh – he ain’t shit compared to Steve the Unicorn.
Oh great, those obnoxious over-the-top parents will just love this … Younicorn your ultrasound. Shhh, don’t tell them, they suck enough without sticking their fetus with a bright and shiny object.
And speaking of unicorns, be sure to check out the internet phenomena … Charlie The Unicorn (waiting for that app) … a video series about the adventures of Charlie and his two obnoxious oddball unicorn friends. Some may find it disturbing – but we sleep in Charlie The Unicorn pajamas (which itself is disturbing, but that’s not the point).
Tiger Woods Scandal – The iPhone Plays An Integral Role
Yesterday the world’s first billion-dollar-athlete, Tiger Woods, issued a statement on his web site that pretty much confirmed what TMZ (and every other tabloid media) has been reporting since Thanksgiving … dude cheated on his wife.
And while TMZ continues to run down every angle of the Tiger drama (Tiger’s wife confronted alleged mistress, Tiger leaves voicemail – “my wife is onto us”, 31-month affair, etc), we bring you the iPhone-side of the Woods saga.
The day started quite normal … Tiger woke up, kissed his wife good morning, took a leak, grabbed a cup of coffee and fired up a new iPhone app he downloaded last night …
Angel Or Devil? – the app which plans your day as being naughty or nice.
Tiger was feeling a bit mischievous that morning and selected the Devil Card. And so the devilish affair with Jaimee Grubbs began.
But Tiger’s wife, Elin, is no dumbass. She also owns an iPhone and when she began noticing suspicious behavior by her husband, she launched the sexist Is He Cheating? app to find out if Tiger was using his utility club on anyone else’s golf course (so to speak). Disturbingly the meter read … are you in denial?
The rest of the story has been well documented. Tiger crashes his Cadillac Escalade … Elin smashes car window and rescues Tiger … Tiger ends up in the hospital …police investigations … and the aforementioned admission of wrongdoings.
So now it’s time for the Woods family to heal. And of course the iPhone is there to help through these troubled times. Tiger will use the Confess app to anonymously confess your sins to the world and makes his life better … as the app states, “it is a proven fact that confessing will make your life better.” Once finished with Confess, Tiger will “correct a wrong and gain forgiveness from a person who is wronged” with the Repentance app.
Of course it ain’t that simple … per the Heaven And Hell app, Tiger has some more work to do. Start with the Singing Bowl And Prayer app and mix in the
A Good Deed A Day app (“helps you to become a better person” ) and Tiger will be back on the road to salvation (just don’t crash into a fire hydrant this time dude) in no time.
We know it won’t be easy, but it’s important for Elin to let go of those negative emotions she has towards Tiger. By letting go, she will regain peace, happiness and a strong loving relationship with her husband. This healing process should be constructive, healthy and safe … which is why the FaceFighter app is just what the doctor ordered … Elin will certainly heal better by beating the shit out of a virtual Tiger.
[that’s it … move along … nothing more to see here … we used FaceFighter as the punchline of this article … pun totally intended]
Screw Prozac! This Cleavage Mania App Guarantees Happiness
Today we look at a new app called …. Tanimania. We’ll let Tanimania do most of the talking since the developer, Kayac Inc., prepared a superb and informative description.
Awfully nice of Kayac to thank us for waiting …. gee these guys are swell. And damn, guess we missed the memo since honestly, we didn’t even know we were waiting for a photo retouch application. Hmmm, is it just us or is there some kind of subliminal thing going on with Tanimania’s icon? Like all of a sudden we have a craving for an order of Hooters chicken wings. A closer look …
Hey, wait a second … those are BOOBS! Seriously, look closely … we see cleavage. Damn those Kayac guys are smart marketers … but we digress. Let’s read on …
Ahhh … starting to make sense. The subliminal Hooters craving … the boob shot icon … the foreign title “Tanimania” … it’s all about CLEAVAGE MANIA baby!
Well duh … thank you Mr. Obvious … “This application makes you happier by retouching cleavage of your picture even sexier automatically” … translated – screw Prozac … boobs are the ultimate antidepressants – boobs make you happier.
WTH – there you go Kayac … you just had to ruin a “happy” thing with your weird ass shit imagination. We were totally fine with taking pics of our various lady friends and giving them some extra “happy” … so why get creative on us? Animal boobs? Sorry … no interest in black bear or poodle boobs. Food boobs? Are you f**cking serious? Like apple, pizza and creme brulee boobs? All kinds of materials? Two-by-four and drywall boobs? No, no, no Kayac … wrongmodo! Bad idea to ask your creativity … if you’re gonna gawk at boobs, they belong on one kind of material – GIRLS.
But hey, who are we to judge? If kangaroo boobs make you happy, cuter and sexier … go for it! Watch the Tanimania demo video and then ask your creativity to find a good one! Enjoy!
SmackDat – An Intimate iPhone Encounter
Although we engage in beatdowns of various apps, we still love our iPhone! It can blow stuff … keep us out of jail … heck, we can even get all hip-hop and wear it as a pimpin’ necklace. But no matter how crazy we are about the iPhone, we will literally not … get crazy.
Seriously, what is with people these days. Just last week, some dude named Sal married Nene Anegasaki. Which is all fine and dandy, except Miss Anegasaki is a freaking video game character! Sal married his virtual girlfriend from the Nintendo DS game, Love Plus. Two words … you eeediot!
Then there are all those creepy iPhone apps which simulate intimate encounters with a woman. With the Kisscomi app, you can kiss a virtual iPhone girl … while the Genie In A Bottle app lets you grope her.
We thought these apps were disturbing until we came across the SmackDat app …
Well we knew the developer was high after just reading the first twelve words of the app’s description …
“SmackDat is a fun, hip way to become intimate with your iPhone”
Huh, it’s hip to be intimate with your iPhone? Uh no dude, it’s f&%cking gross to be intimate with your iPhone … whether you use one or multiple fingers … being intimate with your iPhone is just plain wrong.
“You phone is your new valentine”
Seriously dude, WTF … advice – get your head examined! What the hell kind of an app did you develop? We are very afraid and wouldn’t even smack dat with someone else’s unit.
Hmmm … looking back at it now … guess we actually don’t mind dicknose Sal or Kisscomi or Genie In A Bottle. Pretty normal stuff compared to SmackDat because at least these examples involve a pretend girl. SmackDat is just flippin’ psycho because there’s not even a make believe hot chick in the equation … just you getting your freak on with the iPhone.
Argh – bad mental image! Ok, gotta go … think we’re going to be sick!
Stuff We Are Thankful For – Uterus, Roadkill, Fists In Mouths & More
It is customary here in the United States that at the start of Thanksgiving dinner, each person at the table takes a turn saying what they are thankful for. Far be it from us to disrespect and poop on tradition, so we’ll jump right in and state what we are thankful for this Thanksgiving Day.
Giant Uterus Pillow
There’s something comforting and soothing about cuddling up with an oversized uterus pillow. Maybe it’s a primal thing … but it just makes us feel oh so good.
Road Kill Stuffed Animals
Some people collect Star Wars memorabilia, others collect baseball cards. We pride ourselves in collecting road kill plush. They’re unique, a thing of beauty and an excellent conversation starter – “Hey baby, wanna come upstairs and see my road kill toy collection?”
Motorized Ice Cream Cone Holder
We love eating ice cream, but frankly, it sucks to eat it off a cone. You get the drips, leans, splats … and the whole “lick and rotate” method is a pain in the ass. Stick out tongue, press button, eat ice cream … what could be greater than this?
Hot Chicks With Fists In Their Mouths.com
There’s always a special place in our hearts for a chicks who can shove their fists in their mouths … a God-given talent which we truly appreciate.
Apple, The iPhone & App Developers
Let’s be real – no Apple, no iPhone, no App Developers = no KRAPPS. Argh … da horror! So even though Apple has boatloads of issues with the App Store, approval process and general iPhone related stuff … without the iPhone platform and the genius developers who crank out those crap apps … KRAPPS would be nothing more than an unemployed mime.
YOU!
But most of all, we are thankful for you … our loyal KRAPPS viewers. With hundreds of iPhone sites to choose from, we are honored you hang out in our little corner of the Internet. <wiping tear from eye> The response to KRAPPS over the past 11 months has been tremendous … and we cherish every one of your visits and will strive to continue serving only the crappiest of what the App Store has to offer.
Have a great Thanksgiving – YOU ROCK!
A Homeless Transvestite Keeps The App Store Weird
You know the iPhone is kicking ass and taking names when every celebrity and their mother have a dedicated app. Just last week … pop star turned super mom (?), Britney Spears, released her “It’s Britney” app. The God among men, David Hasselhoff, gives Hoffilicious advice with his “Ask The Hoff” app. Download “I Am T-Pain” and you will be rapper T-Pain. Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco, Lady Gaga, Lance Armstrong … heck, even Pope Benedict XVI endorses an iPhone app.
But all these celebrity apps pale in comparison to the most epic celebrity app ever know to mankind … iLeslie.
What could be greater than having 24/7 access to Leslie Cochran? Reading iLeslie’s description makes our knees wobble … pure exhilaration:
The iLeslie application is a select collection of funny short sayings by Leslie as well as two longer interviews with a special message from Leslie.
Be still my beating heart – WOW! Short sayings and a special message from Leslie for only $4.99 … uh, bargain of the millennium, hello!
Whoa, whoa, whoa … what did you say? “Who is Leslie Cochran and why should I care?” Dude, come on … let’s go! Here … read the iLeslie app description and become enlightened …
Hailing from the capital of Texas, world headquarters of Dell Inc., home of the University of Texas Longhorns … a homeless transvestite who catapulted him/herself into stardom. And now his/her crowning achievement (fitting, eh?) … Leslie’s own iPhone app. LOL … screw Britney – what’s the point of being T-Pain – Pope Shmope … homeless transvestite dude is the only celebrity app your iPhone will ever need.
And bless you Austin, Texas … with your slogan of “Keep Austin Weird” … exactly the kind of inspiration the App Store needs. Hmmm, come to think of it … a bangin new Apple slogan – “Keep The App Store Weird”.
“Boobs” – The App Store’s New Buzzword
We see a lot of crappy apps … hence our name. But on the flip side, we know which apps work. Obviously besides having a solid idea (like the app which makes your iPhone blow air), your app must be positioned properly with an intriguing name and description. Without these key marketing elements, chances are consumers will pass right over your app and move on to one of the other 99,999 offerings.
For example, the “HiCalc Winner Of Best Calculator In The 2007 PPC Magazine Awards” app clearly is a name fail … an app’s title should be clear and concise, no need to hand out awards. Or the classic “Get You A Chinese Name And Beautiful Handwritten Signature” app … sucks when developers suffer from dyslexia and use the app’s description as a title.
But even though there are numerous title bloopers in the App Store, lately we’ve seen some brilliant examples of effective names. We’d like to share a few of these gems with you. First off … the Big Boobs app.
As we stated, an app’s name should be clear and concise. Two words – “Big” and “Boobs” … just perfect – app title nirvana. Heck, with a name like that, who needs a description.
Seems it would be tough to top Big Boobs … but indeed there is a name that is more epic than Big Boobs … the Epic Boobs app.
Now Epic Boobs is an interesting case study. First launched as Epic Bosoms, the app was unsuccessful in attracing enough male eyeballs (go figure). A focus group was conducted and it was determined that the word “bosoms” just seemed to motherly … in a breastfeeding type of way. Qualitative research suggested replacing the word “Bosoms” with “Boob” and the rest is history. And as an extra precautionary measure … the Epic Boobs’ description really drives the point home – “This is an amazing collection of only the most awesome sets of females breasts” … yup, crystal clear.
Of course it’s common knowledge that two sets of boobs are better than one. And to win the boob volume prize, one must think outside the box … like the Boobs² app.
Just look at that description … “A colossal photo collection of only the best, fullest and largest sets of female breasts” … it’s pure business genius. However Boobs² has left the door wide open for competition … quick, someone and release Boobs∞.
Finally, please note … although it may seem that in order to create a legendary iPhone app, one must include the word “boobs” in the title. This is certainly not a prerequisite … as the Adult Boobs And Butts app clearly proves boobs are not the only thing that attract attention. And yes, this is 100% legal … these are ADULT boobs and ass (in case there was any confusion).
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