Official KRAPPS App Is Now Available – Full Of Kraptastic Goodness

KRAPPS-App-Banner So did you get the memo from Gigaom about The App Store Economy … well, it’s really not a memo, more of an article. Anyways, Gigaom reports the App Store contains nearly 135,000 apps available for download made by over 28,000 developers. Yup … ONE HUNDRED THIRTY FIVE THOUSAND apps … simply put, that’s a shitload of applications!

To be honest, we were feeling a bit left out. It’s like everyone and their mother has an app … everyone except for KRAPPS. No app for you KRAPPS … you suck!

Well good news … we may still suck, but at least we now have an app. Our app was made possible by the dude (Arthur Anderson – we call him “Arty” since his name sounds too serious) who developed the “Call Someone A Douche Bag In 17 Different Languages” soundboard app (ADoucheBag) … and the creative geeks from Kneadle Design Studio (same folks who created the KRAPPS logo). So run, don’t walk … and check out 
the official KRAPPS App [iTunes].

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Look, we won’t kid you … the KRAPPS App does not contain boobs barely covered with pasties, farts, vomit, poop, shaken babies, bikini girls or other trendy features.
What it does provide are convenient updates to KRAPPS.com articles and our Twitter stream, including a humorous look into the crazy world of Apple and their whacky, weird, stupid and strange iPhone crap apps … Piss With Your iPhone app, Massacre Puppies app, Weigh Your Poop app, Sexy Girl Happy Finish Massage app and a ton more.

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Oh and look, we spent the big bucks and paid for celebrity endorsements …

Dave Castelnuovo (Pocket God developer) says, “The robots are awesome and Megan Fox is super hot! Oh wait, we’re not talking about the Transformers? Umm, yea, the KRAPPS app is cool.”

Craig Robinson (Minipops artist & developer) says, “What the? This KRAPPS garbage get’s approved and my app is rejected?”

Todd Bernhard (9,999 Ringtones Uncensored) says, “I like KRAPPS. I was actually gonna name my app 100KRAPPS, but 100sounds seemed more family friendly.”

anonymous (Baby Shaker developer) says, “We hate KRAPPS. FFFUUU. You guys suck!”

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Well if the celebrity endorsements didn’t sell you … how about the cool KRAPPS logo icon? Get that beautiful baby on your iPhone and chicks/hunks (depending on your sexual preference) will dig you! And if your still not sold … how about the price? All this kraptastic stuff is FREE – FREE – FREE.

Go be awesome … download the KRAPPS App now. We thank you for your support!

January 18, 2010 | Filed Under Uncategorized | 2 Comments 

Recap: Week Of January 11 – plus Play Chess Elite, Win A MacBook Pro

iphone3g krapps 2 In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.

January 11: New iPhone App Can Be Programmed To Display Porn – forChan app (now banned)

January 12: Anti-Aging iPhone App – Don’t Laugh, Demi Moore Uses It

January 13: Get Live Streaming Mugshots On Your iPhone With Arrested Mobile Mugshots

January 14: iBoobOrButt – Cleavage And Crack Are So Confusing

January 15: uPoop – What Goes In, Must Come Out. But How Much Does It Weigh?

January 16: Monkeys In Space Delivers Galactic Goodness To Your iPhone

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Play Chess Elite, Win A MacBook Pro & Killer Other Stuff
ChessEliteSplash Now here’s how to run a contest … throw out a MacBook Pro as the grand prize … only worth like twelve hundred dollars … damn!

The folks at 99Games are holding a ridonkulous promotion for their iPhone game Chess Elite [iTunes – $3.99]. We estimated the total value of prizes to be given away … over two grand (again … damn)! A while back we reviewed the Chess Elite app and it totally kicks ass [read our review], so jumping in the contest action is a no-brainer.

Just shut up and tell me how to win!!! … The contest facilitates players to polish and hone their chess skills. Players need to compete against other players in the Chess Elite online community and increase their Elo Rating by winning against other players. Everyone starts with an Elo rating of 1,600 when they join the community.

There is no limit to the number of games a player can play simultaneously. Top players will be awarded with fabulous gadgets and the first player to achieve an Elo Rating of 2,500 will win a shiny new MacBook Pro. Standard Elo rating system is followed to compute the rating of players. More details at … http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elo_rating_system

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Prizes are as follows …

  • 1st Prize: MacBook Pro 13-inch 2.26GHz: First player to achieve 2,500 Elo
  • 2nd Prize: iPod touch 32GB: First two player to achieve 2,400 Elo
  • 3rd Prize: iPod touch 16GB: First three players to achieve 2,300 Elo
  • 4th Prize: iPod Nano 8GB: First players to achieve 2,200 Elo
  • 5th Prize: iPod Shuffle 2GB: First player to achieve 2,100 Elo

For complete details, visit the Rules & Regulations page. Or better yet, forget you ever read this so our chances of winning the sweet MacBook Pro are higher … HA!

January 17, 2010 | Filed Under News, Recap | 6 Comments 

Monkeys In Space Delivers Galactic Goodness To Your iPhone

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

I’ve been playing the latest game from Streaming Colour Studios, Monkeys in Space: Escape to Banana Base Alpha [iTunes] since the day it came out in late November. At the time, I bought it solely based on the reputation of the developer to deliver a solid game. Their other app, Dapple [our review], is one of my favorite games on the iPhone, so I hoped to be similarly entertained with the new offering. And, I am happy to report, I was not disappointed in the least.

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The rules are simple: color coded monkeys (red and yellow) need to be guided to their correspondingly colored space station without touching each other (or any of the asteroids which fly about in one of the levels). As the level progresses, the action gets fast and furious, requiring nimble fingers to achieve high score success. The game also utilizes multi-touch, allowing complex maneuvers to be carried out if you possess the appropriate dexterity (or a trusted friend)!

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Scoring values are increased when you are able to "chain" together several monkeys of the same color to enter the space station as a connected line. Any monkeys on the same chain are also allowed to touch each other. Three levels are immediately accessible: in Deep Space, it’s just monkeys and space stations; in Planetary Chaos, a gravity inducing planet occupies the center of the screen, warping trajectories and flinging monkeys into each other at high speeds; in Asteroids! you have to avoid collisions with a few space rocks as well. In a mid-December version 1.1 release, a fourth level was added, Threes a Crowd which is unlocked when you have saved 750 monkeys. This advanced level features a third monkey, the large blue baboon which, as you may have guessed is paired with a blue space station.

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The game looks fantastic and plays super-smooth. The sound effects and music are also are top-notch. The monkeys panic and begin screeching when they are in imminent danger of colliding, giving you just enough time to attempt evasive action before their "personal space" is invaded. The game also lets you play your own music from the iPod, a feature which is always appreciated. For you high-scoring, competitive types, the game interfaces with the OpenFeint system to record your accomplishments.

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Monkeys in Space: Escape to Banana Base Alpha is a great addition to the pantheon of iPhone games, providing an abundance of entertainment value for the price, which at the time of this writing, is just 99 cents [iTunes].

 

January 16, 2010 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games, Guest Authors | 3 Comments 

uPoop – What Goes In, Must Come Out. But How Much Does It Weigh?

We wonder about stuff. Like what hair color do they put on the driver’s license of a bald man? Or why the alphabet is in that order? If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle? And if you choke a  Smurf, what color does it turn?

elephant-poop But all these curiosities pale in comparison to our most puzzling mystery … how much does our poop weigh? Oh don’t laugh … at least we have the balls to admit that when we look into the bowels of the porcelain god, we often wonder the weight of our fecal matter. It’s a mesmerizing proposition and not something that can be satisfied by simply pooping popping it on a scale.

So this is when your iPhone comes in handy. This is when putting up with all the annoyances of your sack of suck cellular (say that five times fast) provider, AT&T, finally pays off. Wondering how much crap weighs … this is when the uPoop app really stinks shines.

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No, it’s not what you think. Pretty poop photography is not involved as the developers of uPoop, Harmonist Inc., have not unleashed the power of fecal recognition software. Rather, uPoop is a device that will calculate the weight of your bowel movements based on the food you have eaten.

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Harmonist Inc. is comprised of four North Carolina State students with an affinity for predictive analytics and primal Wolfpack urges of pinching a loaf. So it totally makes sense that these brilliant minds collaborated to release a crappy calculator (you can read that however you want). In an official company statement, Harmonist Inc. claims that uPoop is a demonstration of the lighter side of the company … LOL, we won’t weigh in on that one (as usual, pun intended).

January 15, 2010 | Filed Under Uncategorized | 6 Comments 

iBoobOrButt – Cleavage And Crack Are So Confusing

ibooborbutt-b Have you ever been checking out a girl’s rack, only to find out that you’ve really been staring at her bootylicious? Or how about a fine rear-end which turns out to be completely oppo … it’s her headlights. OUCH – embarrassing!

But hey, don’t feel bad … it’s tough distinguishing between cleavage and butt cracks. All fault lines kinda do look the same. And if anyone tells you they have no problem with boobs versus butts … meh, they’re fargin iceholes.

So to help get you on your “A” game, the good folks at Goruk have released the perfect tool to help train you properly identify those certain girl parts … the iBoobOrButt app.

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Similar to a baseball player fielding ground ball after ground ball … no more boobs and butts you see, the better you’ll get at recognizing them. Remember kids, practice makes perfect.

iBoobOrButt first presents a select part of the female anatomy … while the rest of the body is hidden. You only have five seconds (no one said this was going to be easy) to correctly determine if the full image are boobs or a butt. Oh and look … too cool of Goruk to include an online leaderboard.

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LOL … a portal of the classic online game … Boobs, Butt or Shoulder (sans shoulder of course, Goruk got lazy?) that will have the opportunity to mock and shame millions of iPhone users. Ha!

January 14, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment | 4 Comments 

Get Live Streaming Mugshots On Your iPhone With Arrested Mobile Mugshots

Not sure if we should laugh or cry over this next one. But if for some reason you take pleasure in viewing “Live Streaming Mugshots – All Day & Night” … then we’ve got an app for you … Arrested! Mobile Mugshots [alternate name – Busted! Real Mugshots]

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LMAO – “We collect mugshots from jails all over the USA … Real People! Real Arrests! Real Mugshots!” And since curiosity killed the cat … our death was inevitable. Check out these fine American citizens we found in Arrested! Mobile Mugshots … real class acts.

Meet Justine – she smokes pot. Marijuana does weird shit to your body, like turn your skin green … although it does compliment her lovely blue eyes.

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Marie and Javier just got arrested … the happiest moment of their lives.

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You probably can’t tell, but Dennis has a serious crack cocaine problem

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Jesse and Gloria are real bad asses. He likes to beat up old people … she likes to abuse children. Yeah, bet their fellow inmates can’t wait to “befriend” them.

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We’d hit that …. and that.

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“No mommy, I don’t want to go to Grandpa Harold’s house next Monday to celebrate his 82nd birthday. I don’t care if he’s a Catholic priest … he just creeps me out.”

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January 13, 2010 | Filed Under News | 5 Comments 

Anti-Aging iPhone App – Don’t Laugh, Demi Moore Uses It

Cat-Hat-Aging Face it … getting old sucks! Theodor Seuss Geisel summed it up quite nicely:

I cannot see, I cannot pee.
I cannot chew, I cannot screw.
Oh my God, what can do?
My memory shrinks. My hearing stinks.
No sense of smell. I look like hell.
My mood is bad – can you tell?
My body’s drooping. I have trouble pooping.
The Golden Years have come at last.
The Golden Years can kiss my ass.

LOL … yeah, it does seem kinda gloomy. You get winded playing chess … your back goes out more than you do … you sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going. OUCH!

But never fear Dr. Seuss! Not only is the iPhone revolutionary, but it now has Fountain of Youth goodness thanks to the new Anti-Aging app by United Holdings Group.

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WOW! Healing based on sacred geometry … how can you argue with sacred geometry! And count ‘em … ten therapy different color, light and sound therapy treatments: Wrinkle Eraser, Acne Clear, Cellulite Buster, Skin Cleanser, Dark Circles and Puffy Eyes, Stretch Marks and Scars, Oxygen and Circulation, Joint Discomfort and Arthritis, Sleep Disorder and Muscle Tension and Hair Growth Simulator. All this in one app! All this for under $3! Think of the money you’ll save on zit cream, Rogaine, cosmetic surgery, etc … freaking bargain compared to the one-dimensional hair growth and weight loss apps we’ve featured.

And it’s so easy to use – follow these simple in-app instructions …

Just hold your iPhone or iPod Touch about 1"- 3" away from the targeted area of treatment and begin your Anti-Aging therapy session. These relaxing therapies offer a heal from within approach and noticeable results can sometimes be seen in the very first treatment but generally become more noticeable between the third and fourth treatment and continues to improve for up to six months following a treatment schedule.

Absolutely amazing! Best app ever! What … not convinced? Come on non-believer <shun> … it’s been seen on AOL and used by Demi Moore (she rocks, ya know?) … all the proof you need that this KRAPPS app works.

Damn … Demi Moore uses the Anti-Aging app? The same chick who helped prevent a suicide on Twitter. Damn … Demi Moore is smokin! Ok, we’re in … off to download Anti-Aging and be like Demi.

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January 12, 2010 | Filed Under Health | 19 Comments 

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