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- Here’s To The Crazy Ones
- Despite Female Moans, SexLife Trailer Fails To Arouse [Video]
- Wii iPhone 4 iOS Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Slap A Sexy Belly, Make Music, Huh? – Belly Jam iPhone App [Video]
- Adventure, To The Max! [iPhone Game Review]
- epic – The Toolbox iPhone iOS 4 Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Recap Week Of January 3
- Sexy Star Wars Pinups – EWWW!
- Weird Stuff From Japan – iPhone 4 Sushi Case
- MegaMan iPhone iOS 4 Home Screen Wallpaper Collection [Download]
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Just Say No To Farts With The iDontFart App
Ok Apple, enough with the fart apps. We all get it … the iPhone can fart. Ha! – Ha! iFarts were funny say the first 147 times. Now that there’s hundreds of them … uh, can you read:
LAME!
Seriously … why do we need all this krapp: a farting camera – Camera Fart … a farting piano – Farthoven … female farts – Girls Fart Too … Alien Farts … Mexican farts – El Fart Mexicano … Monkey Fart … and the list goes on. What’s sad is that we used to like farts. Farts were fun and amusing. But now they are so overplayed by Apple, we just can’t stand them … Apple ruined farts and traded it for the almighty dollar … FARTS SUCK!
And that’s exactly why we purchased the new iDontFart app [iTunes]. Heck, at the time of purchase, we didn’t even know what the hell it did … all we knew is that iDontFart is an anti-fart app, which is good enough for us. If they had t-shirts, we’d purchase one too. Hats, 
stickers, coffee mugs … bring it on iDontFart … we want it all. FARTS SUCK!
Anyways, so when we finally had a calming moment (thanks to our myVibe app), we started tinkering around with iDontFart … and wouldn’t cha know – this sucker is actually quite handy. The premise is when you feel an anal ahem coming on, you launch the app and play one of the numerous “masking” sounds like a Cough, Snapping Fingers, Flushing Toilet, Rattling Keys, Shuffling Newspaper or others. So you’re disguising your farts with common everyday sounds. Freaking brilliant! We can totally see this useful after a big Mexican dinner, when playing golf (Tiger Woods could’ve used it, eh?), in a confessional … heck, even in bed while lighting a Dutch Oven … it’s all good!
So Apple declared their App Store “revolutionary” … well One Infinite Loop, we’re declaring our own revolution! A fight against the hundreds of annoying loser fart apps Apple has approved. Led my our fearless leader is iDontFart – we will “Save Our Dignity” …
99 cents is a small price to for change. Viva La Resistance!
Better Than A Stack Of Pancakes – BOOB STACK (aka EA Sucks!)
Oh look at Electronic Arts (EA) … thinking they’re all bad ass … sitting comfortably with their Tetris app in the #30 Top Paid Apps position – taunting the rest of us. Real ground breakers those folks at EA … wussy little colored shapes rotating and falling. But watch out – gotta sort those shapes perfectly or they might stack up and bite you in the rear. Pure freaking adrenaline rush!
“EA Sports. It’s In The Game.” … uh, NOT!
If EA was really in the game, they would’ve figured out we want BOOBS. Yup … good old KNOCKERS … we want ‘em and we need ‘em … badly. Apple get’s it … offering us hundreds of BOOBIE apps. And we’re so glad Apple has finally cut this “beat around the bush” crap and allow developers to properly name their app what it is … BOOBS (see the Asian BOOBS app – a real live example).
Anyhoo … let’s move on from EA and look at a real developer … Inner Four. These guys are like Apple’s MVP and a virtual lock to make the App Store Hall Of Fame with their latest release … BOOB STACK … perfect name, perfect subject – the perfect app.
And you thought we were kidding about the Hall Of Fame claim! See what we’re talking about … BOOBIE TETRIS. Wow! – these folks at Inner Four are just freaking money …
“Tired of just looking at all these sexy bikini girls boobs
and not being able to play with them?”
“Stack these beautiful gorgeous knockers”
Yeah dude – we actually are tired of just looking at BOOBS! How did you know? We were starting to hate our iPhone – a freaking tease! But now it’s all good with Boob Stack … we get to play with BOOBS … we get to stack beautiful KNOCKERS (so beautiful) … and
Uh, hold on folks … we need to grab an umbrella …
It’s Raining Boobs – Hallelujah!
Dancing Pancakes – Further Proof The App Store Is On Drugs
Shhhh! Be very quiet … let’s listen in on a conversation over at HarryWorks – they develop high quality, life changing iPhone apps. We think they went to Stanford, they are mensas:
>> “Dude – I’m hungry”
>> “Cool – I’m wasted dude”
>> “Yeah dude, that’s why I’m hungry – I’m so wasted also”
>> “Dude – let’s get some grind”
>> “Dude – we have no dinero for food, Apple still hasn’t paid us”
>> “Paid us for what dude?”
>> “Dude – the app we sell in the App Store – I forget its name”
>> “We don’t have an app dude”
>> “We don’t?!? Dude – shut up – I thought we sell apps”
>> “No dude – we have no app, no dinero and no food – but we are wasted”
>> “Dude – let’s make an app right now”
>> “We’re wasted and hungry dude”
>> “Right on dude – it’ll be killer – let’s make an app when we’re wasted and hungry –
everyone will buy it”
>> “Ok dude – let’s make an app – got any ideas”
>> “Let’s make an app with a pancake dude – we’ll make the pancake do stuff like dance,
whistle and sing”
>> “Dude – you are out of your F’ing mind – that is some stupid shit”
>> “I know dude – I’m so hungry and wasted”
You think we’re kidding about this drug induced brainstorming session (we use the term “brain” loosely)? … uh, no … meet Raoul The Dancing Pancake
Seriously, WTF is this – Harold and Kumar Go To App Land? … “An app where you can mess with a pancake” … ????? … sorry bro, too freaking weird for us – we’d rather mess with Sexy Memory or the Tera Patrick apps. And don’t give us this krap … “we’re targeting the kid market” … seeing a pissed off pancake in a bed of flames is a sure fire way to jack up your children for the rest of their lives.
So we got a Bacon Man … and we got a Matzah Man … and now we have a Pancake Man who not only dances, whistles and sings … but has wild mood swings? Damn, who needs drugs when you have the App Store.
SEX-A-MA-PHONE – Change You Life With The 99 Cent Cojones Machine
(editor’s note: no … this is not a phone sex app … carry on)
Ok, let’s be honest … we could all use a little help meeting someone of the opposite sex. Well unless you are that 30-year-old, still living in your parents’ house, working 20 hours a week at Best Buy for minimum wage while your mom washes and folds your clothes. Heck, we understand your goals … being locked in your room, socializing with your online “friends” playing non-stop World of Warcraft … yeah baby, that’s nice! But for the rest of us, a little help in the Love and Sex department never hurts … right? Come on … be real!
Of course you could go take you chances with the loaded gun Russian Roulette method of eHarmony or Match.com. And one scary Russian deserves another … how about a Russian mail-order bride – yikes! Got ADD? – you’ll love meeting 25 potential partners in 25 seconds … do the Speed Dating thing and make your head bleed.
Look … back away from your Green Card seeking foreign BrideZilla. Help is just a touch away on your iPhone with the SEX-A-MA-PHONE app [iTunes]. Oh sure there are other “flirty hook-up” apps … but you’ll be cooler with SEX-A-MA-PHONE … it’s not just an app, it’s a social lubricant (we like that phrase). This sucker reeks of quality. Phenomenal graphics and this sci-fi time machine vibe going on – fancy gauges, mechanical switches, a glass chamber … even comes with a flux capacitor … hot chick’s love flux capacitors!
And SEX-A-MA-PHONE is so freaking easy to use … even WoW geeks could use it if they ever decide to crawl out of their bedrooms. Select the “Guy” or “Girl” option, blow into the mouthpiece … this will set the device in motion (which is a bitching sight unto itself) … ultimately spitting out a reading from the results wheel. With 128 unique results like … Shag-a-delic, McDreamy, Hot Tamale, Man Whore, Porn Star, Dr. Love, Wicked Hot, Ball Buster, Babe-o-licious, Really a dude, Goddess, etc. … you’ve broken the ice and opened the door for magical romance (or a drink poured on your head).
SEX-A-MA-PHONE comes with a killer hidden feature which enables you to guarantee a result. Say you want to meet this hottie – last thing you want is for hottie to get a “Warning: Causes Blue Balls!” reading. So on the main screen, before you select the “Guy” or “Girl” option, touch the valve on the far right side – the valve rotates 90 degrees and always produces a positive outcome. Want to screw with a friend? Touch the same valve twice quickly – the valve rotates 45 degrees and always produces a negative results. The valve resets to its default position once you go back to the main screen. Use this feature wisely … it’ll give you superhuman powers … don’t be a dick and abuse these powers, it gives us superhumans a bad rap.
So next time you dork-up trying to approach that hot chick or total stud, get the Cojones Machine –> SEX-A-MA-PHONE … guaranteed to give you the cojones to break the ice.
Fine … there are no guarantees in life (yeah, yeah – death and taxes – whatever) … but
SEX-A-MA-PHONE is the closest thing you’ll get to a guaranteed flirty ice-breaker social lubricant (either that or massive amounts of shits and giggles amongst your friends). Heck, if it worked for that poor old country bastard Clem and his mangy hairless dog,
SEX-A-MA-PHONE [iTunes] should be a slam dunk for the rest of you!
SEX-A-MA-PHONE … the 99 cent Cojones Machine
Redneck Roundup – Apps For The Less Intelligent
Rednecks … gotta love em! Thinking Taco Bell is the Mexican Phone Company and Genitalia is an Italian airline. Always talking about how 5th grade was the best six years of their life. Complaining that they can’t marry their sweetheart because there is a law against it. Still confused over the OJ Trial … no Neck, it was not a taste test between Sunkist and Minutemaid! Then there’s Redneck Kindergarten (keg stand training starts early) – Redneck Hot Tub – and the finest life has to offer, Redneck Mansion and Redneck Limousine.
Even Apple loves Rednecks. Heck, didn’t you know there’s a special edition Redneck 
iPhone … includes a genuine rubber band!
And of course there are plenty of apps catering to those mullet-wearing, tobacco-chewing, possum-eating folks we call Necks.
Did someone mention chewing tobacco? Of course! Chew is a staple in any Redneck’s diet and serves as an important source of Neck nutrition. So be healthy … grab a pinch and shove it between your cheek and gum. Yummy … the iDip app … but how come no iSpittoon?!? Where’s a Neck to spit – oh yeah, just swallow that delicious nutritious nicotine laced tobacco juice. Yummy!
It’s often said that pigs (not dogs) are a Redneck’s best friend. Makes sense … they look, smell and have the same intelligence level. So naturally there is a strong affinity between the two. And no surprise that the APiggyClock app is the #1 timepiece among Necks. You got your digital display right in the hog’s nostrils … plus the app doubles as a Redneck soundboard complete with chicken and pig noises. Freaking sweetness!
Ever notice that Rednecks are so busy … watching paint dry, taming stallions, drinking beer and practicing guitar. So you would think a cool productivity app like Evernote or To Do’s would come in handy. NOT! Why would a Neck want such garbage when they can download the Get ‘R Done app and organize their time. Plus this app is so sexy … just looking at the icon just makes me want to swallow some more tobacco juice. That girl is so yummy!
Now besides picking their guitar, Rednecks love other musical instruments. Beer cans, chain saws, crickets, police sirens … and don’t forget your armpit is a beautiful source of melodies … YEEHAW, the Armpit Fart app!
But by far the best Redneck musical instrument is The Mouse Organ. It’s a very simple app … even a pig … errr … Neck can use it. Four brown mice … squish the mice with your finger … hear them squeak and watch them die and bleed. Oh hells yeah, that’s music to any Redneck’s ears!
Recap: Week Of August 3
In case you missed any of the festivities, quick links to this week’s articles.
August 3: “How NOT To Sell Your App”, by Angry Jewish Men – why are they so angry?
August 4: Zombies vs Sheep – Serious Gaming Action, Not Just For Zombie Geeks
August 5: Attention Walmart Shoppers – This App’s For You – enjoying the Walmart lifestyle
August 6: Apple Approves The Asian Boobs App (not a typo), Yet Censors The Dictionary – blatant sex trumps reference book
August 7: Wax A Hairy Groin With This iPhone App – get your freak on with this app
August 8: Potheads Rejoice Over New iPhone App Icon – a skull banging video presentation (just watch it – only 10 seconds of your time)
–> Bonus Round – so last week our buddy @frankstendal played the Plus One game and pushed the button 10,000 times! dude is a freaking animal! well wouldn’t you know it, some uber animal appeared and literally one-upped Frank. check out @Alex_Ferrigno’s screen shot below … a total mad man pushing the button TEN THOUSAND & ONE times!
Potheads Rejoice Over New iPhone App Icon
Potheads everywhere are jumping for joy. With the new Psychoactive Drugs app, your iPhone can now proudly display your constant state of mind. Gotta represent bro!
Dude, do it … Download it for the icon … Dude, that would be so killer … [talking on the phone, bangs head with iPhone] … Dude, that was my skull! I’m so wasted!
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