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- Exclusive – Peyton Manning Seen Using iPhone App During Super Bowl
- Recap: Week Of February 1 – plus Big Sale On These iPhone Games
- LED Football For iPhone – Flashing Blips Excite Us (free this weekend)
- Lusting After Armpits? Satisfy Your Needs With The Pits App!
- Sorority Pillow Fights App – Must Resist!
- Dad Gives Baby His iPhone As A Teether – Why?
- I Just Made Love – Use The iPhone To Tell The World Where You’ve Had Sex
- Smell Like Ass? The iPhone Can Help!
- Recap: Week Of January 25 – plus Non-Feminine Hygiene iPad Humor
- Apple Reverses Policy, Begins Removing Smut
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Exclusive – Peyton Manning Seen Using iPhone App During Super Bowl
The Indianapolis Colts and New Orleans Saints played in Super Bowl XLIV (that’s “44” for the Roman numerically challenged) yesterday and damn … what a helluv a football game. The Colts took a quick 10-0 lead, but ultimately it was the Saints who fought back and won in thrilling fashion, 31-17. Congrats to the Saints for their first-ever Super Bowl triumph!
Now while most of the media attention was focused on the Saints gutsy play calling (who starts the second half with an onside kick … that’s ridiculously awesome) and come-from-behind victory, KRAPPS took a different approach … we were busy attempting to discover iPhone-related Super Bowl news. And that we did …
Just after Indianapolis Colts quarterback, Peyton Manning, made a critical mistake late in the fourth quarter … throwing an interception that was returned for a touchdown … he was seen on the bench using his iPhone. Below is our exclusive picture of this “Manning iPhone” moment.
After the game, we used our super-duper computer to enhance the image and discovered Manning was actually using an iPhone app … below is the video footage.
LMAO … yes folks, just moments after his game turning interception, Manning cried out for help with the I Am Choking app and its amazing voice talent.
Now we don’t know how effective I Am Choking is during an actual medical emergency (guess we’ll try it out next time we’re choking … assuming we have the presence of mind to grab our iPhone while we turn blue – yeah right) … but this app certainly serves a purpose in the sporting world for athletes and fans alike.
Smell Like Ass? The iPhone Can Help!
We come across a lot of useless apps … it’s the nature of our business. Use your iPhone as a hand warmer … to blow out a candle … to cut a pizza into evenly-sized portions. Apple keeps saying the iPhone is revolutionary … guess it depends how you look at it. Personally, we don’t need a $300 gadget to help us hail down a cab … waving our “free of charge” hand suits us just fine, thank you very much!
But every once in a while, we come across a really practical app that restores our faith in the iPhone. Like this next application.
So we all know someone who smells like ass. The dude who hasn’t bathed in 25 years or that smelly someone who claims to be allergic to toothpaste. We’re talking nasty, foul body odor … commonly found on the crowded subways of New York or throughout Europe (been there, smelled that). And of course the age-old dilemma … how do you tell someone they smell like they’ve been using poo instead of shampoo. It’s not like you can just gift them a canary and if it drops dead, hopefully they’ll take the hint. These situations stink … talk about awkward!
Well thanks to our useful iPhone, awkward be gone … say hello to Got Smell?
How brilliant is that? No more uncomfortable social situations. Simply plop in the offender’s email address and Got Smell? will take care of your dirty work.
Now of course Got Smell is very gentle in their approach. Smelly dude receives a polite “You Smell” email with constructive tips on how to correct the odorly misconduct. Got Smell? is very civilized and a great way to avoid human interaction and confrontation.
But then again, with apps like MyGirl and Mega Girlfriend … isn’t that the real value of the iPhone … avoiding any and all human contact.
Anti-Aging iPhone App – Don’t Laugh, Demi Moore Uses It
Face it … getting old sucks! Theodor Seuss Geisel summed it up quite nicely:
I cannot see, I cannot pee.
I cannot chew, I cannot screw.
Oh my God, what can do?
My memory shrinks. My hearing stinks.
No sense of smell. I look like hell.
My mood is bad – can you tell?
My body’s drooping. I have trouble pooping.
The Golden Years have come at last.
The Golden Years can kiss my ass.
LOL … yeah, it does seem kinda gloomy. You get winded playing chess … your back goes out more than you do … you sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going. OUCH!
But never fear Dr. Seuss! Not only is the iPhone revolutionary, but it now has Fountain of Youth goodness thanks to the new Anti-Aging app by United Holdings Group.
WOW! Healing based on sacred geometry … how can you argue with sacred geometry! And count ‘em … ten therapy different color, light and sound therapy treatments: Wrinkle Eraser, Acne Clear, Cellulite Buster, Skin Cleanser, Dark Circles and Puffy Eyes, Stretch Marks and Scars, Oxygen and Circulation, Joint Discomfort and Arthritis, Sleep Disorder and Muscle Tension and Hair Growth Simulator. All this in one app! All this for under $3! Think of the money you’ll save on zit cream, Rogaine, cosmetic surgery, etc … freaking bargain compared to the one-dimensional hair growth and weight loss apps we’ve featured.
And it’s so easy to use – follow these simple in-app instructions …
Just hold your iPhone or iPod Touch about 1"- 3" away from the targeted area of treatment and begin your Anti-Aging therapy session. These relaxing therapies offer a heal from within approach and noticeable results can sometimes be seen in the very first treatment but generally become more noticeable between the third and fourth treatment and continues to improve for up to six months following a treatment schedule.
Absolutely amazing! Best app ever! What … not convinced? Come on non-believer <shun> … it’s been seen on AOL and used by Demi Moore (she rocks, ya know?) … all the proof you need that this KRAPPS app works.
Damn … Demi Moore uses the Anti-Aging app? The same chick who helped prevent a suicide on Twitter. Damn … Demi Moore is smokin! Ok, we’re in … off to download Anti-Aging and be like Demi.
Getting Your Drunk Ass Home – DrinkTracker Receives An Update [$25 iTunes giveaway]
($25 iTunes gift card giveaway – see end of article for details)
A few months ago, we featured a fantastic breathalyzer app called DrinkTracker [$1.99 in iTunes] by SlappMe.com. We made it very clear that we have nothing against partying hard, getting hammered and waking up in a gutter with a new tattoo on your forehead … but just stay away from driving a car. Doesn’t take a brainiac to know … drinking and driving sucks. However, let’s not kid ourselves … “don’t drink and drive” is easier said than done. This is where DrinkTracker comes into play – your personal “alcohol conscious” – helping you to drink responsibly.
DrinkTracker is rich with unique features which help estimate your Blood Alcohol Content (BAC). One of the coolest features is that based on your personal profile (gender, age, height and weight), DrinkTracker will automatically compare your alcohol intake and your metabolic removal rate and then calculate your BAC EVERY 60 SECONDS! So every 60 seconds you will automatically be updated with your current BAC level and given a timeframe for how long you need to wait until your next drink to remain at your BAC target.
To fully appreciate the numerous features of DrinkTracker, watch the demo video below. It’s a touch over 5 minutes, but well worth your time considering one day DrinkTracker may save your life or at the very least, keep you out of the slammer.
Awesome App Gets Awesomer (yes, that’s a word … ask any surfer bro)
Since the initial launch last June, developer Greg Slapp has been hard at work providing free updates to DrinkTracker. <love it when a developer is committed to their app and provides frequent updates / enhancements> In Version 2.0, Greg implemented a
GPS-based feature called “Outta Here!” to help get your drunk ass home (or to the next bar). Based on your current location and eventual destination, DrinkTracker conveniently provides travel directions via in-app Google Maps, the ability to locate and call for a taxi or email a TRUE friend with your current location for pickup. It also allows for a phone call or SMS contact via your contacts list from within the app.
And great news … Greg’s next update will include multiple concurrent user sessions. Two people can use DrinkTracker app at the same time and it will track BAC’s separately. A totally cool feature we love because two responsible heads are better than one.
Giveaway 
Because we like the name SlappMe.com, we’re giving away $25 in iTunes credit (US account required). Simply let us know how you first discovered the KRAPPS web site in the comments field below and you’ll be entered into a drawing to win the $25 iTunes card.
Entries must be received by Fri, Oct 30, 11:59 PST.
Best Fukkin App Name Ever! (volume 2)
Save it! We know what you’re thinking – “You suck KRAPPS! How can there be another best app name when you already declared the best app name EVER?!?”. Whatever Mr. Details … this is our fukkin site and we can do whatever we want. If you’re seeking attention to details, go fukkin visit CNN. Better yet … go pay $1.99, download the new CNN app and tell us how you feel about paying to watch ads (aren’t ad supported apps supposed to be fukkin free? … regardless, still a great app).
As we were saying … KRAPPS is declaring yet another Best App Name Ever (because we can)! We fukkin love this …
LOL … see what we did there? And you thought we were randomly dropping F-Bombs. Nope, it was serving a clever purpose … either that or you’re right, we do suck.
So let’s take a closer look at i-Fukkin (LOL, sorry – it’s still funny) … sans name, it’s pretty hysterical as a standalone. Please note in i-Fukkin’s description below … “Fukkin” means “Abdominal Muscle” in Japanese.
Oh that sexy cheer girl is so motivating. We can pretty much guarantee that i-Fukkin is the quickest way to an attractive six-pack. Why would you ever want to stop doing sit-ups when sexy Japanese cheer girl is dishing out encouraging commentary? And the best part … at the end of your workout (if you decide to actually stop), you get the fukkin awesome “Double Peace Sign Winky” gesture. That alone is worth the $0.99 you plunk down for i-Fukkin!
And finally, we’ll leave you with an i-Fukkin demonstration video from developer i-Labo. This presentation should clearly punctuate just how ridiculous … errr … cool you’ll look at the gym, doing sit-ups while holding your iPhone and drooling over cheer girl. Oh, and i-fukkin really want one of those wicked i-Fukkin t-shirts!
Need A Lumbar Puncture? Don’t Worry, There’s An App For That!
Last week, Gizmodo ran a hysterical iPhone-related Cyanide and Happiness cartoon. Pictured is a dude with massive bleeding from the chest … a bear tore out his ribcage. But no worries … an iPhone owner comes across the gory scene, launches his iPhone, heals ribcage dude and flies off into the skies.
Indeed there is an app for everything … making us iPhone owners 100% bad asses. We’ve already discussed some of the <for lack of a better term> “unique” things you can do with your iPhone …
>> Spy on your kids
>> Count your sperm
>> Win when the stock market crashes
>> Write your own obituary
And now you can add another to this ever growing list, a Lumbar Puncture (aka spinal tap).
Now granted, the Lumbar Puncture app doesn’t perform an actual spinal tap <duh>, but given its multimedia step-by-step instructional guide, you’ll become a skilled surgeon in no time. What? A disclaimer? …
LOL … oh yeah, that’ll work. You know damn well there will be some jackass who will use the Lumbar Puncture app to perform an actual spinal tap … on a friend … in their garage … broadcasting live on Justin.tv.
Ha! Screw med school … get an iPhone!
Worry About Sperm Count? We Do!
We worry a lot. We worry about Mars coming to close to Earth. We worry about shrinking our Ed Hardy shirt in the dryer (WTH). We worry about the Thule roof rack flying off our vehicle. Beef curry? – yeah, we worry. The increasing instability of Twitter? – yup, we worry about that as well. It’s not like we’re emo or something … we just have ulcers.
We worry that maybe we have anxiety. Argh!
But perhaps our biggest worry in life … to the point where we sometimes shake uncontrollably … is sperm. Specifically … we worry about our sperm count. Hey! Don’t laugh … we’re serious … not to mention a male’s sperm count is serious stuff as well. How do we know if we have enough baby batter? It’s not like you can just stick a thermometer in your mouth to get a numerical semen reading. It’s like one of those mysteries of life … How Does Man Know His Sperm Count?
Good news to all of us worrying about daddy’s little squirt … once again the iPhone answers another mystery of life with the iCount (Sperm) app … oops, sorry – sperm is a dirty word, make that … iCount (S***m)
Wow – just look at these phenomenal iCount (Sperm) features … (sorry, hope it’s cool we use the dirty version of s***m):
>> Approximates maximum potential sperm count
>> Uses complex algorithms involving BEDMAS (bedmas – uh – WTH is that?)
>> Track your “releases” (releases – uh – WTH is that?)
>> Average sperm count at release
>> Estimated time and date of next release
>> Number of release per week
Whoa nilly … fantastic … and you can even email the developer your personal stats at icountapp@gmail.com – rumor has it that the developer will be updating iCount (Sperm) with a global leader board – brilliant!
So this is all good. Life got just a bit easier here at KRAPPS … we have one less thing to worry about now thanks to the iCount (Sperm) app. Thank you Apple!
Memo To Developers:
Apparently Apple has deemed any word beginning with the letter “i” as sacred. Case in point … iCount (S***m) – where sperm is a dirty word and thus censored …. yet iSperm is perfectly acceptable since it carries the sacred “i” prefix. Hmmm … iIntercourse, iVagina, iPiss … you can have all sorts of sacred fun understanding the Gospel of Apple.
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