Sorority Pillow Fights App – Must Resist!

[must resist … must resist … must resist]

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It saddens us to write this article because we know better … and yet, we failed. We know better than to fall for some cheap sleazy app featuring scantly clad smokin’ hot chicks with big boobs … and yet, we flopped. Exactly what caused our failure to resist is still under investigation. Perhaps it was the app’s promise of “patented Jiggle-Vision technology” … we’re suckers for cutting edge techie stuff. Or maybe it was the app’s “Bounce-O-Rama enhancement” … can you blame us, enhancements are all good. Could’ve been the app’s opening line … “Meeeooowww!” … cats are all the rage these days.

But ultimately, we think it was a combination of the above, coupled with the entire app’s saucy description. Damn you porn marketing folks … the way you write this shit, how could any normal, red-blooded male resist the Sorority Pillow Fights app? Read it for yourself and see why you’ll automatically hit the $4.99 buy button … then go ahead, pick your jaw up from off the ground.

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LMAO – damn, this IS like reading the cover of a porno:

“Watch in amazement as eight well-padded, smokin’-hot sorority babes … beat the living daylights out of each other”

“Witness the shocking, rotating Beds Of Death”

“Drool over international supermodel sensations”

And of course, the nail in the coffin … “Jiggle-Vision Technology”. Or was it … “Bounc-O-Rama Enhancement”? Can’t quite figure out which one we love more.

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So we would like to extend our apologies to you … our most excellent viewing audience. Apologies for finding Sorority Pillow Fights irresistible and featuring it here in the Hallows of KRAPPS. Our typically sound judgment was blinded by Jiggle-Vision technology. And yes, of course … we’ll descend to the Beds of Death for our deserving punishment (but whatever, we’ll be smiling the whole time … cuz we saw bouncing sorority boobs … hee, hee).

February 4, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment | 4 Comments 

Dad Gives Baby His iPhone As A Teether – Why?

Meet Oliver. He’s so cute! He likes to chew things … shoes, bottle caps, books, the coffee table. You name it, he’ll chew it. Now you gotta give Oliver a break … he’s only six months old and like most rugrats, a human vacuum cleaner. If anything is within Oliver’s reach, it goes in the mouth.

Lately, Oliver has this strange fascination with Apple. Seems he’s been nabbing his dad’s iPhone, sticking it in his piehole and gnawing away. Oh you should see it … little Oliver, sucking away on the 3GS … he’s so cute! But rather than discourage Oliver from potentially jacking up a $300 cell phone (how could you! he’s so cute!), daddy lets him have at it.

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But daddy is a geek … and like most geeks, has a brilliant mind. No way was daddy going to let his precious Oliver chomp away at the iPhone … it just looks, well, funny (but a good kind of funny … he’s so cute!). So rather than let Oliver eat his plain old iPhone, daddy built the iTeether app, so Oliver could destroy his iPhone in style (but who cares – he’s so cute!).

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Ha! You thought we were shitting. NO! Perhaps the most inept and self-absorbed application to date. And here’s what you get with iTeether … count ‘em, four pictures of teethers … frog, man, star and ring … all of which do absolutely nothing, just pictures. Brilliant! Oliver looks much better now teething on the iPhone with a picture of a teether. Yeah not funny looking at all.

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Frog, man, star and ring … come on dude, at least give Oliver something interesting to chew on … say like Epic Boobs.

[Special thanks to our bacon-eating, snow-shoveling, wise-ass of the Great White North Tim Peckham for providing today’s “Baby Eat iPhone” cartoon. Be sure to visit Tim’s website for more cartoons and information about his three apps … or check out his work as a cartoonist in the Toronto Sun.]

February 3, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment | 10 Comments 

I Just Made Love – Use The iPhone To Tell The World Where You’ve Had Sex

Not to be outdone by the Android, Apple has just approved and made available today for download the I Just Made Love iPhone app (yes fanboy … the Android had it first).

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Launched in October 2009 and with over 71,500 entries, IJustMadeLove.com is a website which allows users to announce their sexual encounters to a worldwide audience. By simply logging onto the site, users mark their lovemaking location in Google Maps … indicating the date and time of their shagging session, as well as other intimate details like place where you had sex, position you engaged in, was it your first time, did you use a condom and commentary on how was the encounter.

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IJustMadeLove.com should come as no surprise … absolutely every creepy thing anything can be found on the Internet. But only four days after Apple went on a massive sweep, removing sexy girly smut apps from the App Store … now we have humping bunnies on the iPhone? Seems a bit curious.

If you really think about it, I Just Made Love is really the perfect app. That romantic post-coitus ritual of eagerly grabbing your laptop and letting the world know you just did it … is now so much more convenient and efficient with the iPhone.

Launch app … select “Place Where You Just Made Love” (although numerous popular locations are missing – the zoo,  Disneyland, bathroom stall, etc.) …

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Then choose which of the six positions you accomplished (Apple-approved graphical representations included) …

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Go ahead and snap a photo for posterity (we don’t even want to know) … first time? condom? … add some commentary … and hit send. Simple as that.

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Don’t fret if you’re not getting any and unable to add to the love counter. I Just Made Love includes a global map so you can play Peeping Tom and get the juicy details.

They say the iPhone has changed the way we poop. Time to add boinking to that revolutionary list as well. Technology at its finest.

February 2, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment | 5 Comments 

Smell Like Ass? The iPhone Can Help!

We come across a lot of useless apps … it’s the nature of our business. Use your iPhone as a hand warmer … to blow out a candle … to cut a pizza into evenly-sized portions. Apple keeps saying the iPhone is revolutionary … guess it depends how you look at it. Personally, we don’t need a $300 gadget to help us hail down a cab … waving our “free of charge” hand suits us just fine, thank you very much!

Body-Odor-1111 But every once in a while, we come across a really practical app that restores our faith in the  iPhone. Like this next application.

So we all know someone who smells like ass. The dude who hasn’t bathed in 25 years or that smelly someone who claims to be allergic to toothpaste. We’re talking nasty, foul body odor … commonly found on the crowded subways of New York or throughout Europe (been there, smelled that). And of course the age-old dilemma … how do you tell someone they smell like they’ve been using poo instead of shampoo. It’s not like you can just gift them a canary and if it drops dead, hopefully they’ll take the hint. These situations stink … talk about awkward!

Well thanks to our useful iPhone, awkward be gone … say hello to Got Smell?

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How brilliant is that? No more uncomfortable social situations. Simply plop in the offender’s email address and Got Smell? will take care of your dirty work.

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Now of course Got Smell is very gentle in their approach. Smelly dude receives a polite “You Smell” email with constructive tips on how to correct the odorly misconduct. Got Smell? is very civilized and a great way to avoid human interaction and confrontation.

But then again, with apps like MyGirl and Mega Girlfriend … isn’t that the real value of the iPhone … avoiding any and all human contact.

February 1, 2010 | Filed Under Health | 7 Comments 

Recap: Week Of January 25 – plus Non-Feminine Hygiene iPad Humor

krapps-ipad-lockscreen1 What? Oh that, the thing on the right? That’s our new iPad Lockscreen … we only use it once a month <sorry … couldn’t resist>.

In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.

January 25: A Collection Of Ridiculous iPhone Boob Apps

January 26: Augmented Reality For Pizza – Seriously, Why?

January 27: Knife Dancing – First App To Offer “Buy One Get One Free” Code

January 27: iPad Is NOT Revolutionary! We Have The Picture To Prove It!

January 28: Girls, Toilet Paper And Batteries – Apps That Leave Us Confuzzled

January 29: OMG, This Screenshot Frightens Us, YEEEOW!

January 30: Apple Reverses Policy, Begins Removing Smut

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So as we implied above, this was a big week for feminine hygiene, courtesy of Apple’s new revolutionary product … iPad. The Internet has been flowing with iPad/iTampon jokes. So for a breath of fresh air, we present a couple of iPad items … totally unrelated to a woman’s menstrual cycle.

From Metin Seven at Sevens Heaven … his original “iPhad” illustration demonstrates just how easy it is to turn your iPhone into a full-fledged iPad … although the iPhone is still more capable as it includes a camera and the ability to make voice calls.

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And from the Funny or Die website, comedian Peter Serafinowicz (yes that’s a long last name – 12 letters) introduces the really really really revolutionary iPad.

January 31, 2010 | Filed Under Recap | Leave a Comment 

Apple Reverses Policy, Begins Removing Smut

It’s been well documented that Apple does not allow porn in the App Store … but nevertheless, developers aggressively push the envelope in efforts to show as much skin as possible in their apps. At first, Apple began approving apps featuring girls in full-back bikinis. Later they lightened up … thong bikinis became acceptable. In November, Apple approved the first pasties app … iPasties by Pastease … which broke into the Top 100 Paid Apps and created a flood of new approvals featuring adhesive nipple covers. And finally, raising the “how much skin can we get away with” bar to its peak … Apple allowed the Boobs In Hand Bras app on January 14. Today, there are literally thousands of sexy girlie apps available for sale.

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Well all that came to a screeching halt yesterday. Apple changed its mind and began emailing developers that their once approved sexy girlie apps were no longer welcome in the App Store and thus, removed from sale. Why the sudden reversal of standards? Seems Apple was receiving a number of customer complaints about inappropriate content. Below is the email Apple sent to developers regarding removed apps.

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So exactly how much skin can you show these days without fear of getting the boot? Since Apple did not provide concrete examples to developers, it’s tough to say. However, it’s clear that hand bras are blacklisted … they have all been removed from the App Store. Most pastie apps are absent as well.

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It’s also tough to figure how many developers were effected by this change of policy. We spoke to a half dozen developers regarding the matter and figure at least a dozen more had their apps removed. Is Apple done cleaning up? Who knows. The entire situation is confusing and mysterious … but one thing is certain, Apple is doing some major housekeeping and removing numerous sexy girlie apps. College Girls Extreme, Epic Boobs, Sexy Bikini Contests, Yau’s Asian Boobs Fruit Punch, Sexy Topless and many more … all these apps were once approved by Apple and now banned.

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The developers we spoke with were completely blindsided by yesterday’s occurrences. “I wish Apple would adopt detailed written standards like every other mobile storefront in the world,” said one developer. Agreed … perhaps clearly communicated standards would help Apple avoid that reoccurring theme … Inconsistent Review Process.

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January 30, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment, News | 25 Comments 

OMG, This Screenshot Frightens Us, YEEEOW!

We must admit, the Yau’s Collection Of Asian Boobs app intrigues us. How can we resist? As described below, this dude Yau collects erotic photos with an emphasis on the visual artistics (not exactly sure that means, but it sounds impressive). Never mind pretty Asian girls in sexy cloths (what?) posing in sexy positions … give us visual artistics!

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And then we get to the collection of screenshots. Nice … “Lots Of Asian Beauties”. Oh and beauty #1, definitely visually artistic! 

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But wait! What’s that hiding behind door #3? We can’t quite make it out … let’s scroll over and take a closer look at Yau’s next example of visual art …
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YEEEEOW YAU! WTH?!? Why is this girl about to take a dump on our iPhone? Is this some kind of a sick joke? Or perhaps the App Store’s first “BA” app? Like the F-YOUize app, guess it could come in handy sending someone a not so subtle message. But damn woman … lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground!

Update: Well it seems Apple was not impressed with Mister Yau’s visually artistic rendition of a bare ass. While the application remains for sale, the screenshot has been removed from iTunes.

January 29, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment | 3 Comments 

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