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I Just Made Love – Use The iPhone To Tell The World Where You’ve Had Sex

Not to be outdone by the Android, Apple has just approved and made available today for download the I Just Made Love iPhone app (yes fanboy … the Android had it first).

Launched in October 2009 and with over 71,500 entries, IJustMadeLove.com is a website which allows users to announce their sexual encounters to a worldwide audience. By simply logging onto the site, users mark their lovemaking location in Google Maps … indicating the date and time of their shagging session, as well as other intimate details like place where you had sex, position you engaged in, was it your first time, did you use a condom and commentary on how was the encounter.

IJustMadeLove.com should come as no surprise … absolutely ~~every creepy thing~~ anything can be found on the Internet. But only four days after Apple went on a massive sweep, removing sexy girly smut apps from the App Store … now we have humping bunnies on the iPhone? Seems a bit curious.

If you really think about it, I Just Made Love is really the perfect app. That romantic post-coitus ritual of eagerly grabbing your laptop and letting the world know you just did it … is now so much more convenient and efficient with the iPhone.

Launch app … select “Place Where You Just Made Love” (although numerous popular locations are missing – the zoo, Disneyland, bathroom stall, etc.) …

Then choose which of the six positions you accomplished (Apple-approved graphical representations included) …

Go ahead and snap a photo for posterity (we don’t even want to know) … first time? condom? … add some commentary … and hit send. Simple as that.

Don’t fret if you’re not getting any and unable to add to the love counter. I Just Made Love includes a global map so you can play Peeping Tom and get the juicy details.

They say the iPhone has changed the way we poop. Time to add boinking to that revolutionary list as well. Technology at its finest.

Technorati Tags: I Just Made Love,SharQ Ltd,iPhone,Apple,App Store,KRAPPS,Humor

February 2, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment | 5 Comments

Augmented Reality For Pizza – Seriously, Why?

There’s a cool t-shirt at Threadless.com which says … “Having an iPhone has completely changed the way I poop”. LOL … ain’t that the truth. The iPhone is information and productivity at its finest. Just think of all the things you can do while taking an iCrap … read the latest news, post to your blog, Twitter (we admit … been there, done that), play a game of Monopoly, learn to speak Russian, buy stocks, play the piano, edit a photo and thousands of other activities.

The iPhone – technology at its finest! … or is it?

Sometimes we feel the iPhone is just way overrated. Like a once no-brainer task, all of a sudden requires the use of an iPhone … a crutch. You can’t just stick your arm out and flag down a cab … no, you need the “hail a taxi” app. You can’t just leave a tip in the 20% ballpark … no, you need a tip calculator app to figure out the gratuity down to the last penny. Laying out, catching some rays … no you can’t do that! You need a “suntan turn-over” app to notify you when the optimal turn-time arrives … WTF.

I guess the geeks are to blame. After all, they develop and publish apps … it’s their ideas. And of course geeks are totally over the top when it comes to being analytical. Never once did we worry about our pizza costing more per square foot than the carpet at KRAPPS World Headquarters. Never once did we worry if that 19-inch pizza is a better value than the 16-inch. But now we do, thanks to the Amazing Pizza Calculator app … damn you geeks!

And the price of pizza is not the only thing geeks are ruining … it’s even how you cut it. You simply cannot eyeball slicing your pizza into evenly-sized portions. No … that would be uncivilized. You now need the aid of augmented reality technology when cutting your pizza, the Reality Slice app.

Hey, nothing against augmented reality, it technology rocks … but come on, pizza?!? Just slice the damn thing and eat it – no fuss, no muss. Too much technology is melting our brains … the iPhone has become a crutch. Pretty soon we won’t even be able to wipe our ass without the iPhone. Oh wait, is that what they meant – “having an iPhone has completely changed the way I poop”? There’s an app for that? Don’t even think about it geek!

Technorati Tags: Amazing Pizza Calculator,Reality Slice,iPhone,Apple,App Store,KRAPPS

January 26, 2010 | Filed Under Lifestyle, Utilities | 6 Comments

Official KRAPPS App Is Now Available – Full Of Kraptastic Goodness

So did you get the memo from Gigaom about The App Store Economy … well, it’s really not a memo, more of an article. Anyways, Gigaom reports the App Store contains nearly 135,000 apps available for download made by over 28,000 developers. Yup … ONE HUNDRED THIRTY FIVE THOUSAND apps … simply put, that’s a shitload of applications!

To be honest, we were feeling a bit left out. It’s like everyone and their mother has an app … everyone except for KRAPPS. No app for you KRAPPS … you suck!

Well good news … we may still suck, but at least we now have an app. Our app was made possible by the dude (Arthur Anderson – we call him “Arty” since his name sounds too serious) who developed the “Call Someone A Douche Bag In 17 Different Languages” soundboard app (ADoucheBag) … and the creative geeks from Kneadle Design Studio (same folks who created the KRAPPS logo). So run, don’t walk … and check out
the official KRAPPS App [iTunes].

Look, we won’t kid you … the KRAPPS App does not contain boobs barely covered with pasties, farts, vomit, poop, shaken babies, bikini girls or other trendy features.
What it does provide are convenient updates to KRAPPS.com articles and our Twitter stream, including a humorous look into the crazy world of Apple and their whacky, weird, stupid and strange iPhone crap apps … Piss With Your iPhone app, Massacre Puppies app, Weigh Your Poop app, Sexy Girl Happy Finish Massage app and a ton more.

Oh and look, we spent the big bucks and paid for celebrity endorsements …

Dave Castelnuovo (Pocket God developer) says, “The robots are awesome and Megan Fox is super hot! Oh wait, we’re not talking about the Transformers? Umm, yea, the KRAPPS app is cool.”

Craig Robinson (Minipops artist & developer) says, “What the? This KRAPPS garbage get’s approved and my app is rejected?”

Todd Bernhard (9,999 Ringtones Uncensored) says, “I like KRAPPS. I was actually gonna name my app 100KRAPPS, but 100sounds seemed more family friendly.”

anonymous (Baby Shaker developer) says, “We hate KRAPPS. FFFUUU. You guys suck!”

Well if the celebrity endorsements didn’t sell you … how about the cool KRAPPS logo icon? Get that beautiful baby on your iPhone and chicks/hunks (depending on your sexual preference) will dig you! And if your still not sold … how about the price? All this kraptastic stuff is FREE – FREE – FREE.

Go be awesome … download the KRAPPS App now. We thank you for your support!

Technorati Tags: KRAPPS App,Arthur Anderson,Kneadle,KRAPPS,iPhone,Apple,App Store,Humor,Comedy

January 18, 2010 | Filed Under Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Recap: Week Of January 11 – plus Play Chess Elite, Win A MacBook Pro

In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.

January 11: New iPhone App Can Be Programmed To Display Porn – forChan app (now banned)

January 12: Anti-Aging iPhone App – Don’t Laugh, Demi Moore Uses It

January 13: Get Live Streaming Mugshots On Your iPhone With Arrested Mobile Mugshots

January 14: iBoobOrButt – Cleavage And Crack Are So Confusing

January 15: uPoop – What Goes In, Must Come Out. But How Much Does It Weigh?

January 16: Monkeys In Space Delivers Galactic Goodness To Your iPhone

—————————————————————————————————————————-

Play Chess Elite, Win A MacBook Pro & Killer Other Stuff
Now here’s how to run a contest … throw out a MacBook Pro as the grand prize … only worth like twelve hundred dollars … damn!

The folks at 99Games are holding a ridonkulous promotion for their iPhone game Chess Elite [iTunes – $3.99]. We estimated the total value of prizes to be given away … over two grand (again … damn)! A while back we reviewed the Chess Elite app and it totally kicks ass [read our review], so jumping in the contest action is a no-brainer.

Just shut up and tell me how to win!!! … The contest facilitates players to polish and hone their chess skills. Players need to compete against other players in the Chess Elite online community and increase their Elo Rating by winning against other players. Everyone starts with an Elo rating of 1,600 when they join the community.

There is no limit to the number of games a player can play simultaneously. Top players will be awarded with fabulous gadgets and the first player to achieve an Elo Rating of 2,500 will win a shiny new MacBook Pro. Standard Elo rating system is followed to compute the rating of players. More details at … http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elo_rating_system

Prizes are as follows …

1st Prize: MacBook Pro 13-inch 2.26GHz: First player to achieve 2,500 Elo
2nd Prize: iPod touch 32GB: First two player to achieve 2,400 Elo
3rd Prize: iPod touch 16GB: First three players to achieve 2,300 Elo
4th Prize: iPod Nano 8GB: First players to achieve 2,200 Elo
5th Prize: iPod Shuffle 2GB: First player to achieve 2,100 Elo

For complete details, visit the Rules & Regulations page. Or better yet, forget you ever read this so our chances of winning the sweet MacBook Pro are higher … HA!

Technorati Tags: forChan,Anti-Aging,Arrested Mobile Mugshots,uPoop,Monkeys In Space,Chess Elite,99Games,iPhone,Apple,KRAPPS,App Store,Humor,iBoobOrButt

January 17, 2010 | Filed Under News, Recap | 6 Comments

Anti-Aging iPhone App – Don’t Laugh, Demi Moore Uses It

Face it … getting old sucks! Theodor Seuss Geisel summed it up quite nicely:

I cannot see, I cannot pee.
I cannot chew, I cannot screw.
Oh my God, what can do?
My memory shrinks. My hearing stinks.
No sense of smell. I look like hell.
My mood is bad – can you tell?
My body’s drooping. I have trouble pooping.
The Golden Years have come at last.
The Golden Years can kiss my ass.

LOL … yeah, it does seem kinda gloomy. You get winded playing chess … your back goes out more than you do … you sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going. OUCH!

But never fear Dr. Seuss! Not only is the iPhone revolutionary, but it now has Fountain of Youth goodness thanks to the new Anti-Aging app by United Holdings Group.

WOW! Healing based on sacred geometry … how can you argue with sacred geometry! And count ‘em … ten therapy different color, light and sound therapy treatments: Wrinkle Eraser, Acne Clear, Cellulite Buster, Skin Cleanser, Dark Circles and Puffy Eyes, Stretch Marks and Scars, Oxygen and Circulation, Joint Discomfort and Arthritis, Sleep Disorder and Muscle Tension and Hair Growth Simulator. All this in one app! All this for under $3! Think of the money you’ll save on zit cream, Rogaine, cosmetic surgery, etc … freaking bargain compared to the one-dimensional hair growth and weight loss apps we’ve featured.

And it’s so easy to use – follow these simple in-app instructions …

Just hold your iPhone or iPod Touch about 1"- 3" away from the targeted area of treatment and begin your Anti-Aging therapy session. These relaxing therapies offer a heal from within approach and noticeable results can sometimes be seen in the very first treatment but generally become more noticeable between the third and fourth treatment and continues to improve for up to six months following a treatment schedule.

Absolutely amazing! Best app ever! What … not convinced? Come on non-believer <shun> … it’s been seen on AOL and used by Demi Moore (she rocks, ya know?) … all the proof you need that this ~~KRAPPS~~ app works.

Damn … Demi Moore uses the Anti-Aging app? The same chick who helped prevent a suicide on Twitter. Damn … Demi Moore is smokin! Ok, we’re in … off to download Anti-Aging and be like Demi.

Technorati Tags: Anti-Aging,United Holdings Group,iPhone,Apple,App Store,KRAPPS,Humor,Comedy,Demi Moore

January 12, 2010 | Filed Under Health | 19 Comments

Stuff We Are Thankful For – Uterus, Roadkill, Fists In Mouths & More

It is customary here in the United States that at the start of Thanksgiving dinner, each person at the table takes a turn saying what they are thankful for. Far be it from us to disrespect and poop on tradition, so we’ll jump right in and state what we are thankful for this Thanksgiving Day.

Giant Uterus Pillow
There’s something comforting and soothing about cuddling up with an oversized uterus pillow. Maybe it’s a primal thing … but it just makes us feel oh so good.

Road Kill Stuffed Animals
Some people collect Star Wars memorabilia, others collect baseball cards. We pride ourselves in collecting road kill plush. They’re unique, a thing of beauty and an excellent conversation starter – “Hey baby, wanna come upstairs and see my road kill toy collection?”

Motorized Ice Cream Cone Holder
We love eating ice cream, but frankly, it sucks to eat it off a cone. You get the drips, leans, splats … and the whole “lick and rotate” method is a pain in the ass. Stick out tongue, press button, eat ice cream … what could be greater than this?

Hot Chicks With Fists In Their Mouths.com
There’s always a special place in our hearts for a chicks who can shove their fists in their mouths … a God-given talent which we truly appreciate.

Apple, The iPhone & App Developers
Let’s be real – no Apple, no iPhone, no App Developers = no KRAPPS. Argh … da horror! So even though Apple has boatloads of issues with the App Store, approval process and general iPhone related stuff … without the iPhone platform and the genius developers who crank out those crap apps … KRAPPS would be nothing more than an unemployed mime.

YOU!
But most of all, we are thankful for you … our loyal KRAPPS viewers. With hundreds of iPhone sites to choose from, we are honored you hang out in our little corner of the Internet. <wiping tear from eye> The response to KRAPPS over the past 11 months has been tremendous … and we cherish every one of your visits and will strive to continue serving only the crappiest of what the App Store has to offer.

Have a great Thanksgiving – YOU ROCK!